last monday, i visited beali. i used the staircase and went up 8 floors. deym!! never will i do that again! maybe if i used the elevator i would've still seen anne and her mom. haha! oh well! anyway.. after about 45 minutes of talking to bea, someone knocks on the door and to my surprise i see teachers. mrs de guzman, mama b, ms henares, ms mendoza, ms manabat and... THE TWO V'S!!! yes, ms villafania and ms villaruz. nice!! i was sitting there, not talking anymore. hahaha!!!

i left and called bear immediately. then i called up mayumi. exagge. feeling ko magkaka heart attack ako pababa ng stairs. exagge. yun lang masasabi ko. HAHA!!!

i made sure i got lots of rest so that the next day, tuesday, i wake up alive awake alert enthusiastic!!! soccer try outs!!! wuhoo!! exagge mehn!!! until now my body's still aching!!! haha... but it was worth it. it was all fun!!! hehehe...

after try outs, i sent some people a text that try outs were over and i was officially pooped out. HAHA! then my dad tells me that i didn't tell him but i reminded him about 5 times!! my gallY! i got home and explained then he realized he made a mistake. haha!!

i was SO tired that i was only on line for about 10 minutes. HAHA! did a little homework then slept. mehn! then i woke up at 4 am to do the rest of my homework. yehey! bus arrived and i was damn sleepy. got to school and all that.

oh! mia made me her assistant eco beadle!! yehey!! thanks mia!!! i'm superly uperly happy!!!! hehehe!! sir rodriguez laughed at us when we hugged. sabi niya, "may hugging ceremony pa ba?" HAHA! nice one sir! oh mia and i formed the cartolinas into a tree to show that the classical period supportes the development of economics. i will take a picture of that one of these days. AHEHE!!

ugh. i hate sir torres. that's it. that's all i have to say.

i'm looking at the marks i've given myself. i remember the days i believed that this was wrong. but here i am, looking at the marks i've left. the marks of pain and hurt that i need to let go off, that i must detach from. i look at them and know it's wrong. so why have i done such? why have i gone against something i believed was wrong?

my busmates saw them. she asked me about them. i vented. i just couldn't take it anymore. i can't take not being able to understand him. even though i keep telling myself, understand the person and know the person in order to avoid conflict. but i can't. it frustrates me that i can't understand you. i just can't. you're too closed.

CLE time today, more realizations: love is a decision. we commit oneself to a loved one. love is a matter of the will despite feelings that are contrary. you continue loving despite the fact of unrequited love and feelings of hurt. crying is there in exchange for your dignity and self respect.

so why don't i cry instead? why CAN'T i cry instead? why can't i just detach from it by crying?

"i don't like you, but i'll always be there for you." that, i learned, is love. no matter how much you dislike a person, if you live him, you'll always be there for that person no matter what.

"the heart can understand matters that the brain cannot." that is something that mr rodriguez said. why he said that, i don't remember. but the moment he said it, i was struck. why? i still don't know.

another thing that hit me today. something in filipino. "paano mo malalaman kung kilala mo ang isang tao?" ugh. it hit me. i don't know him well. how can i tell myself that i you are my friend if i don't know you...

who this is about, nobody knows.

sometimes the people you least expect to get close to are the people you get close to. fact. i never expected to be best friends with mica. nope, NEVER. but i am. and although mica and i aren't always together or are two almost totally opposite people, we get along pretty well. and i'm glad. i'm so glad that i can always turn to her when i've got a problem. i'm glad that she's always there for me, even though there are times i take her for granted. i love mica in a non lesbian kind of way. she's the bestest best friend in the world!!!

each and every one of us has a purpose in life. what is my purpose? i think i already know. but i have to make sure of it. everyone has ONE same purpose and that is to be in union with God. therefore, all our actions, all our words must be in line with that purpose. all the decisions we make must be in line with that purpose. but that's hard. why is it so hard? i don't know.

ugh. i've been looking at them again. these are the marks that will remind me of my pain and hurt. these are the marks that will forever remind me of you. remembering everything that has happened so far. it's just so hard losing him. it's just so hard not to be laughing with him again. it's just so hard to bring that special something we once had as really good friends.

these wounds won't seem to heal, there's just too much that time cannot erase..

my UPCAT is on August 7 at 630 AM. nice one!! mica and i plan to go there together and eat breakfast before the test. yehey! i'm going to be picking her up. oh and we're going to cabrei's together on the 31st. yehey! i can't wait! i haven't gone out with mica for such a long time!!

so don't be surprised if i love you head over feet...

try outs for soccer today pooped me out. for some reason my leg started to hurt so all my kicks were BAD. and i mean BAD. damn it. but i had fun and i guess that's what matters right? i made gianna laugh by telling her a joke. yehey! i made someone happy!!!

oh, i was with abbey and christel for a while. i was suppose to walk with them to the park cause chris wanted a drink but then my driver was there already so i didn't get to spend time with them much. oh well!!

well, realizations to be said later. i better get crackin' with my homework. the math homework that i asked for! hahaha!!!

i'm walking down the mall and i see you. you see me and you wave with a big smile as if we haven't seen each other for ages. i get butterflies in my stomach. i don't know what to say, what to do, how to act. you ask me what i was doing there alone. i tell you i just needed time away from all the bullshits of life. you laugh. you ask me if i want to watch a movie with you and your friends. i'd rather watch with you and you only, i thought. i accept the invitation.

"libre kita" you say. more butterflies. we sit through a 2 hour movie, side commenting on almost every scene that we didn't understand. in the middle of the movie, you hold my hand. i looked at our hands, look at you and you look at me. i smile.

we walk around after the movie your hand in mine. i can't explain this happiness that i'm feeling. i'm just so happy for such a little thing. we stop walking. we're in a nice place i've never seen before. a sort of park. we lie down the grass and watch the stars. you ditched your friends for me.

i tell you things i haven't told anyone before. except for the fact that i've got feelingd for you. you sit there, listening to everything i say. you comfort me while i vent about all the bullshits i've been going through lately. you tell me it'll be all right. you hug me and at that moment i just felt secure. like no harm will come to me.

i tell you that i feel so lost. so confused. so alone. you hug me, let go and look me in the eye and say, "hindi ka mag-isa, basta nandito ako, iiwanan natin ang mundo."

*sigh* and i wake up. it was just a dream. a dream that i will never get. a dream that will never turn into reality.

saturday:

i was awaken by the weirdest call. it was anne. asking me what the spanish translation of this way to the stars is. having just woken up i told them and they just put it down without me getting a chance to say bye or ask why. i figured it was for their leadership training.

i went to power plant with my dad and my brother because he had a class in Gymboree. mehn, he's heavy and gulo baby. i saw james roy and cat (YIHEE!). i bought 2 new CD's which ROCK!!! i recommend you buy them! it's the Spiderman 2 soundtrack and Eraserheads Anthology. oh and while i was in the line to pay for the CD's, i was beside NOLI EALA. yes, mrs. eala's husband. nice one!

i got home. i didn't get to see wo ai sic and joey pee!! aww.. too bad! i haven't seen you two for SO long. i waited for my groupmates in front of the computer.

crissy came, then ysa, then freyja then tanya. yey. laugh trip man!!! it was fun!! thanks tanya for helping our group with the video!!! :D

nic: eesa, *toot* is coming over. they wanna pass by.
ysa: oh my!! really? wait, i have to turn red, don't look!
nic: dope!
ysa: gotta be pretty, pretty!
nic: my gally!!!
ysa: guys game! let's shoot this already! *fixes hair*
all: WAHAHAHAHA! nagpapaganda si ysa.
*knock on the door*
ysa: OH MY!!!!!! don't look, don't look, don't look...
*open door and maids come in*
ysa: ugh.

basta super laugh trip yan!!! in the end *toot* didn't really come. he didn't even know what we were doing. haha!!! i love you ysa!!!!!

went to slept and dreamt. *sigh*

today i plan on studying for the UPCAT and doing my homework. hopefully i can finsh up my ateneo essay and get someone to proof read it one more time. then maybe i can pass it by the end of the month.

so many things to cram for today. gotta print the thoughts for the week!!! ah!! i almost forgots!!

MAYUMI MORTEL, MAY KWENTO AKO SA'YO.

back to you it always comes around... i will be free when you wanted me,
IF you wanted me...

i sit in front of my computer everyday and wait for you to go online. i don't always chat with you (i think). but just knowing that you're on line the same time as i am makes me happy. just seeing you there in the channel, chatting makes me smile. and every greeting you give me gives butterflies in my stomach.

thinking of you gives me butterflies in the stomach. ugh. it frustrates me knowing that i will never be with you. it frustrates me knowing that you like someone else. but i'm happy for you. i'm glad to know you're happy.

i don't know why, after 5 years boy, it's you that i always get back to. what is it about you that makes me like you again? that makes me all kilig and all that? i liked you before my prom, when i saw you in your prom and last summer. what is it about you?

kat and i talked about this. unrequited love is a cycle. a likes b, b likes c and so on. we feel all this hurt every time that person we long for talk about this girl he likes but doesn't like him back. you wish that it was you in that girl's place. we're focused on that guy that we don't see the others around us. those we hurt because we always talk about this guy. but we don't give a shit. we're just too focused. too closed minded.

i did not pass varsity. *sigh* but oh well. as rhiza and maiqui said, God's got other plans for me. and instead of training my ass of i can do much more productive things like, erm, chat. HAHA! congratulations to whose who did!!! best of luck to all of you!!! :D

i wanna let you know, i just don't know the way. i wanna shout it out, hear me when i say: if i could hold your hand, look into your eyes, would you try to understand the things i'm gonna say? if i could show you boy, how much i feel for you, would you turn around and tell me you feel the same way too?

rawr. wala lang. i am loving ysabel rufino's MYMP cd, which i don't intend on giving back any time soon. HAHA! the song could it be wrong just says a lot to me. haha. labo. sige na. i want a non-pirated MYMP CD for my birthday. *hint hint* anyway...

just a few more weeks before the UPCAT. we can do this guys!!! we gotta have faith!! rawr. don't cram, study well. yes. here we go. this may be the turning point of our future. labo. does that make sense?

this goes out to ruby may dacuan: NATALO LA SALLE. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! GO UP FIGHTING MAROONS!!! haha, i still love you dacs!

today is clay day. i mean, literally clay day. HAHA! we made lotsa things out of clay, right crissy? like a star. and we pretended to be an emplyee of auntie anne's and made a deformed pretzel. HAHA!!

i actually thought of writing something long today. but then i've forgotten what to say. HAHA! oh well.

i got to spend some time with mica again during lunch. it was like the MK barkada + 1. which is me. HAHA! ang singit ko mehn. haha, pero ok lang. i have fun spending time with them.

advanced happy birthday mommy tracy!!

10 Years Ago, I...
1. was 7 years old
2. was still studying in OBMCI Dasma (OH YEAH!)
3. lived in Batangas on weekends and in the summer
4. climbed mango trees

5 Years Ago, I...
1. was part of the basketball team
2. had my first crush. WAHAHA!
3. was in grade 6
4. stopped going to batangas

3 Years Ago, I...
1. entered a new world which was high school
2. got my 1st line of 7 in MATH
3. had 2 new best friends
4. joined Luke 18 (makes me feel old)

A Year Ago, I...
1. had a new class. (OH YEAH! 3-1!!)
2. had the BEST math teacher!!
3. became fumoon
4. realized my mission to serve. Ü

This Year, I...
1. am a senior
2. realized that i will take up poli sci, eco or literature for college
3. went to prom
4. am loving my class and MTB.

Yesterday, I...
1. had a Korean lunch cooked by Tita Aleth
2. forgot about the ateneo la salle game
3. didn't do much
4. slept early to not succumb to the bullshits of life

Today, I...
1. saw the results and i didn't get in
2. bonded with mica
3. had PE which was SO tiring
4. flunked my FIRST physics lab and home ec quiz WAHAH!

Tomorrow I will...
1. enjoy english and eco class
2. bond with mica and her barkada
3. text andie about the ua&p forms
4. study for the UPCAT

God's so GREAT. i am officially a part of the AC Soccer Varsity School Year 2004-2005. now how did this happen? Colleen (i heart you for your decision!), was accepted in both soccer and badminton varsity and chose badminton over soccer. therefore, one slot was open and i'm filling in the slot. YEY! i am SO damn HAPPY!!! first team lunch is tomorrow in the assumpta court. YEHEY! i can't wait. hehe... thanks mikee and mai!

today for some reason, i am damn tired. i didn't do much, but i am tired. maybe it's because of damn physics. i swear, i hate it when mrs. acuba is in a bad mood. ugh. i tend to not understand physics. ugh. plus sir torres is a pain. UGH. that's all i can say about that.

mrs. eala rocks!! i quote, "men will never change. maybe temporarily, but they go back to their old self." so much bitterness. haha! oh and i loved the arguement during economics. go mayumi mortel! you rock!!

sir rodriguez: women are fickle.
yumi: if women are fickle, then why are men players?

well, it's something like that. haha! good one yumi!!! HAHA! sir rodriguez was SPEECHLESS for once in his life. HAHA!poor sir rodriguez, it's only in his class that we're like this. always arguing. i mean, who would want to argue in english class right? haha!

i was going to put something here but then realized that some people might read and you know clay would figure out. HAHA! basta it's something between me and jiza. haha... i wanna put clues but then realized that if i might do that he might firgure out again, so never mind. HAHA!

baby/mommy star alex was absent today. yes, alexis is both my baby star and mommy star. wapak! grabe toh. MU kami. HAHA! nice one!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACY BORRES!!

10 days before my birthday. nicole wants but only ONE gift. that is a Fender Strat with an amp. i don't care if it comes from 100 people. i just want it. HAHA! *hint hint*

what to write? what to write? it's hard to think of what to write especially when you've been so poofed in school and all that. so let's see....

Sunday:
i woke up pretty early because i had to pick up my Ahead classmates in Mercedes' house. i got there and found out that Amil's mom passed away. *sniff* please pray for Amil's mom and Amil's family as well.

Nelle, Mercedes, Mica, Trina, Ginjie and I ate in Pancake House, Katipunan and man was i damn full after! i didn't even finish my breakfast. oh and we had a mix up with the bill. i don't think we've solved that problem yet. haha!

first part of review was math. we finished early so we had a game. ms ina completely forgot about the makati section!!! *ouch* our representative was dan, our pimp daddy (haha!) and HERO! well, makati lost and the atenean won. haha. but it was super laugh trip mehn!

after math was lunch. kara alfonso ate lunch with us. we all rode in dan's car to Shakey's then headed to Starbucks for some coffee. HEHE! well, the rest of the day was pretty boring.

i didn't get any homework done. haha. i think. well... basta yun.

Monday:
happy birthday rita kwan!!!

OH MY GED! can i just share? monday was such a loooooong and tiring day mehn! we had a CPR class in PE and did nothing in THE. HAHA! i can't think. rawr. uhma... oh! first training day!!! YEY!

i was so tired that when i got home i went on line for a couple of minutes, ate dinner and slept. then i woke up at around 4 am to study for they physics midterm and to do some of my homework.

Tuesday:
the physics midterm wasn't all that hard. it was just hmm.. confusing? it made me think. haha. gave me a headache!! haha!! anyway... second day of trianing. it was fun! but monday training was better because it wasn't all that hot!!!

happy birthday carlo pastelero!!!

Wednesday:
happy birthday maika noda!!

today... hrm.. i woke up at 4 again to study for the economics midterm. ho my ged. i think i failed that. i don't know, i just really think i did. art was fun. hehe..

this whole week's turning out to be pretty ok actually. ho my ged. i'm turning 17 in 2 days. here we go. rawr. i hope my 17th birthday will be fun. we'll see... rawr. oh and to all of you who're going: belle daza just made a theme for my birthday. everyone wear yellow, orange and/or red. HAHA! i doubt anyone's going to do that. but we'll see!

batch party: august 21, VV5; 4-1 soiree with 4E: august 14 (tentative date); UPCAT for nicole: august 7, 630 AM in the Institute of Physics. (*to those people who have the same date, place and time, comment here!!!)

here's to a guy who's superly special to me. a guy who brought me to my first prom. *wink wink* a guy who's been there for me always through the good and bad times. the guy who has enough patience to listen to me rant and rave about almost everything especially about a certain someone! *another wink here* miguel jayme i love you!!!!! advance happy birthday!!!!! :D

you now have a girlfriend. congratulations. i feel happy for you. i can't believe i only foudn out now. i don't know why i should be affected because hello? it's been more than a year. i should've moved on like you have. but there's just something about you that made me feel so real. you made me feel like i was someone. which is why every time i see you i tend to falter (haha! word for the day!). i tend to shiver at the sight of you. i never know what to do or say.

how many years of friendship already? 2 or 3? and i felt so loved by you. you made me feel something so real. you made me feel like i was someone. and now you're making someone else feel what i felt. and i'm so happy for her. she doesn't know how lucky she is. at least not yet. to be loved by you is so different. well, good luck to you. that's all i have to say.

to one of the nicest people i know!!! sorry for waking you up so early in the morning! hahaha!!!! take care my old friend!!!

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY MIGUEL JAYME!!!!

mayumi mortel, it is not that guy in art class. and excuse me, balisong was never for that guy we were talking about in art class. PUH-LEEZ! give me a break. you dope! hahaha!! ho my ged! alam mo ba mayumi, i brought one of our pictures to school today and i completely forgot. remind me tomorrow, it's in my binder. hopefully my mom won't see when they bring me to school. HAHA!

mass was erm... it was terribly hot! but from where i was sitting i had a good view of uhma.. hahahaha! shutting up now!! but i think crissy and tanya and the rest of 4-1 had a better view! especially those in the chior section!! ho my ged.

filipino test: not too hard, not too easy, but easier than expected. haha, that was malabo. anyway... hrm... i couldn't concentrate all day actually. i just kept thinking about what i found out last night. mehn, it sucks but oh well.

ho my ged! i do not want to watch chocolat anymore. it makes me crave!!!! exagge! and it was SO cold in the AVR this afternoon. oh my ged. i didn't know if i wanted to sleep or eat or what! basta i craved for chocolate and i craved for the pirate. wahahaha! talk about hottie!!!

i cannot wait for my birthday. ho my ged. i have a feeling i'll be sleeping so late. rawr. sir ja sang happy birthday to me last tuesday and sir angeles greeted me. aww!! i miss sir kiko!! he greeted me through ms cabreira and through text! rawr.

thanks annie anceno for teaching me wag na lang kaya by true faith in the guitar. i think i'm finally getting the hang of it. OH YEAH! MTB TOMORROW BEYBEH! i cannot wait. rawr. yung moderator. RAWR.

Roanna and Nicole are buddies:
*Geom buddie
*Trigo buddie
*AC Pajama buddie
*AC Doll buddies (oh yes, there are AC dolls now.)
*Picture taking buddies (damn mehn, you should see my computer! it's full of me and roanna. we even have a kubeta picture which i shall put in my tabula!)
*Post it buddies (we pass post its in class. haha!
*Ice Cream buddies (sometimes with Polly)
*Co Captain buddies (for those who don't know, yes i am part of hardcourt. Ü)
*Recess buddies
*Red ballpen buddies (being my irresponsible self, i tend to forget to bring my red ballpen, hence i borrow from Roanna and we share. haha!)

i'm sure the list'll go on. but for now, roanna's the bestest buddy i have! yehey!!! love you roanna!

i just found out that best friend mica and i are taking the UPCAT at the same time and the same place!! YEHEY!!!! i'm picking her up and bringing her home and we're eating breakfast together. and lunch!! yehey!! a whole day with my best friend!!! rawr. love ya lots!

if you call me nicole, you are anyone..
if you call me wacks, you are tarapotpot..
if you call me anna, you are someone i haven't spoken to since i was in elementary..
if you call me nic, you are someone i am close to..
if you call me nicki, you are either joey or kassie..
if you call me anna nicole, you are either marie abigail (a.k.a. abbey pelayo) or katrina mae (a.k.a. kamae)..
if you call me fumoon, you are someone from chat..
if you call me ms. sarmiento, you are one of my teachers..
if you call me nick, you are ben my cousin..
if you call me old fart or dork, you are brill..
if you call me nicole best friend, you are maika best friend..
if you call me best friend nicole, you are best friend jam (haha!)..
if you call me ate nicole, you are either isabel, gabrielle or gillain..
if you call me tete, you are antonio..
if you call me baby, you SHUT THE FUCK UP..
if you call me nicky, you are vincinini..
if you call me ganda, you are the manang who sells me squid balls everyday..
if you call me banuka or nuk, you are ninang gik..
if you call me cole-nics, you are samboy salinda..
if you call me crush, you are benjamin escaler..
if you call me evil twin, you are arta twin..
if you call me sarmiento, you are nica lopa.. (i don't know why, but nica lopa is the only person who calls me sarmiento now! haha!)
if you call me buddy, you are either roanna, dan lee or joel..
if you call me curly tops, you are ysa..
if you call me pinsan, you are ruigi..
if you call me iya, you are therese liboro..
if you call me kashberks, you are carissa or one of my kashberks.. (haha! oh yeah, i am a freshie once again!)
if you call me nicole my heart, you are mimic my heart..

what other list can i make? oh here! special call outs to the people who've greeted me!!! ben my cousin - thanks so much for the greeting! love you to death my pinsan! r to the alfy, sha, martin, pau hernandez, miguel, nico... thanks you guys!!

damn! i'm getting old! oh well! i love having my mom here! she helped me choose an outfit. hehe.. i'm gonna be wearing erm.. haha! well, you'll see!!! toodles for now!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAISSA AND THOMAS!!!!

thank you for all your greetings, kisses, hugs and for those who came to my party, thanks! rawr.

today was better than expected. started the day with God and i will end it with God again. rawr. i love this day because of certain things but i still feel kind of, well, sad because of certain things as well. some of you will get confused with this. hehe.. maybe most of you won't even understand what i'll write. but i'll write it anyway. tehre are gonna be lots of "you's". mercedes and marla i bet you, you know the first 2 people. HAHA.

i didn't see you today. actually, i realized today that i don't have feelings for you anymore. as sir rodriguez would say, "learn what you have to then let go!" i've learned everything i have learned. seeing you move on makes me happy. it tells me to move on as well. so here i am. moving on.

i saw someone i haven't seen for such a long time. and OMG i think i'm falling for you again. that's just SO wrong. well, maybe not. but i don't know. we'll just have to see.. rawr. It’s just that feeling.. ugh. You know? When you like someone then you don’t see him for a long time you stop liking him. Then you see him again? Rawr.

SIR JA GAVE ME A BIRTHDAY GIFT. oh my gulay. rawr. HAHA! nicole, shut up. ok, shutting up now. time for my call outs!

sir kiko - thanks so much for the letter!! and thanks for greeting me! too bad you weren't able to make it to my birthday!! we would've all wanted to see you again!!!

brill - too bad you weren't able to make it either!! but thanks so much for all the greetings!! hehe.. take care old fart!!

tami ledesma - thanks for being the last to greet me advanced happy birthday at 12 midnight. i don't understand if i shoudl count that as being first to greet me happy birthday. hehe.. and thanks for coming to my party. i had fun with you around.

miguel jayme - my beloved procopio!!! thanks oh so much for being the first to call to greet me happy birthday and taking revenge on my 5 am call!!! hehe... i really appreciated it!!!

annie anceno - thanks so much for the gift! you'll be seeing me wear it to school on monday!!!! i labshoo!! i know you had fun during my birthday!! hehe..

alfred - i wouldn't have expected you to remember!! hehe.. wrap *toot* as a birthday gift? SURE!!! hahahaha...

mica gabriel - my ever so loving best friend!! thanks so much for the cake and the *toot* balloon!! haha.. it looks sick dood. but i really appreciate you spending the day with me (or at least most of it). i love you best friend!!!! i am so grateful to have someone like you around!

polly - second person who called to greet me happy birthday and one of the first to text! thanks so much! and thanks for coming to my party!! i labshoo!!!

geelo - naxx! one of the first people to greet me! thank you my young padawan!!! hehe...

kaye ang - thanks for the birthday greeting!!

ginjie - thank you for the birthday hug!! and of course, thank you for the chocolate treats!! *wink wink*

tim - rawr! thanks for not forgetting about my birthday!!! hehe.. too bad you guys weren't able to make it! you owe me a gift and pasalubong!!!

andie - thanks for the greeting! did you go to school to get the payment of the UA&P forms? sorry! i was in mass until 7!!

tara - thanks for the greetings tarapotpot!! where were you? i didn't see you in my party!!! rawr!

rhiza - thanks for the greeting!! oh and are you trying to make me a girly girl? haha.. thanks for the gift and for dropping off my guitar in my house.

ysa - thanks for greeting me and for the erm, make up ba yun? haha. di ko alam kung ano yun eh. basta something for the lips. cheer up ysa! i'm sure it's not all about physical appearance! i love ya!

luisito - thanks for the birthday greeting! i missed you today vj utt!

marc carbonell - thanks for remembering! touched ako!!

camille and andro - do you guys come in pairs? hehe.. tell rin candy thank you for coming!! pepe and camimi rock!

kassie - i labshoo kassie! thanks for the birthday greetingS! i missed you today!!! but don't worry you have a loot bag with joey!! i love you dear! thanks for all the letting me vent times!

celina - thanks for the greeting! i want my 2nd year notes back!

pia - aww!! thanks so much for the call and the little kwentos!!! i labshoo and i miss you oh so so much!!! rawr!

jiza - thanks for coming and sharing your voice with us. ikaw siguro may kasalanan na may mga taong di nakarating. HAHA! thanks for singing me the song, a great 1st meeting in MTB and making my birthday special.

maika best friend - thanks for the greeting! i love you maika best friend!

leandro - fcbf!! or should i say cf na? thanks for the birthday greeting! you were one of the first!!! i missed you today!!! rawr! take care!

boogie!!!! OMG. thanks SO much for the morning greeting! it made me smile, superly thanks!!! thanks for helping me start my day right! and thanks for the gift!!

waleza - rawr! thanks for the greeting!!!

nikolas - my number one!!! thanks so much for the CLAY (who apparantly was not able to make it.) matching shoes! hehe.. thanks so much for coming! rawr!! you will forever be my number one. *wink wink*

dan lee - i miss you best buddy!! rawr!! thanks for the birthday greeting!!! i love you dear!!

berns - thanks for the birthday greetings!

vinci - i missed you today!! hehe.. thanks for the greeting dood!! i hope you feel better now!! see ya soon!

benny - wow! you remembered! thanks for the greeting!!

vicka - rawr. mint was there. haha! take care! thanks for the greeting!!

sj - thanks for the greeting pepsi!

vada - wow vadaski! you got it right this time!!! thanks for greeting me my lab!! hehe... "it's someone's birthday today.."

gian - rawr! i missed you today! thanks lolo!

crissy castillo - thanks for the greeting!!

manong ton ton - thanks for the greeting! you remembered! you're not so old!! hehe..

bear - i love you bear! may loot bag ka with pau!! i miss you so so much!!! maraming salamat sa iyong pagbati sa akin ngayong kaarawan ko. get well soon ha! the class can't do without you.

ninang gik - thanks for the erm, picture of bamboo. hehe..

bryan - you dope! i am so mad at you! you said you'd come to my party! rawr you! rawr you! haha.. thanks for the greeting though!!

ben abela - thanks for the early greeting cousin! i labshoo!

bogie - thanks for the greeting!!

kara - thanks kara alfonso!!! hehe..

bea li!!!!! thanks so much for remembering inay! i really appreciate it!!! i miss you so much!!! promise i'll visit you soon!!!! rawr!! take care!!

alex - magpagaling ka na. mahirap magkasakit. yan ang natutunan ko sa clusivol. i labshoo mommy/baby star!!! take care and thanks for the greeting!!

Ralf – r to the alfy!! Thanks for the birthday greetings!

Amil – thanks for remembering my birthday!! I hope you’re feeling a little better now.

Anton Fernandez – thanks for remembering my birthday!!! Haha! Buti ka pa you remembered!! Haha… hmm… sayang you didn’t get to go to the party!! Fun fun fun!

Sha my soulmate!!! Aww.. you didn’t come! Sayang!!! I missed you! Thanks for the birthday greeting and good luck for your competition. Hehe… Ü

Miko Jao – thanks for the greeting! And thanks for trying to come. 

Big Little brother RG! My party missed a batman! Haha.. malabong nandun si robin at wala si batman!! Oh well!! Thanks for the greeting!! I hope to see you soon!!!! Get well soon!

Mercedes Salazar – yes yes, in everything I do I should be ahead. Haha.. thanks for the birthday greeting! And thanks for coming to my party! Until the next refresher…

Valerie – thanks for being Donya Bal for the night. Hehe…

Kring – too bad you weren’t able to make it!!! Thanks for the greeting though! Hehe..

Jaymi – thanks for greeting me!! 

Binky – thanks for greeting me!!! hehe.. I didn’t know you’d remember!

Teej – haha! I have an idea on how you know it’s my birthday. Hehe.. thanks for the greeting!!

Katrina Pacheco – I expect to see you in Power Plant soon. Haha! Thanks for the greeting. 

Bea Puyat – thanks for the greeting!! I miss you!!

Jamie and Cesco – thanks so much for coming!!!

Kat – mommy!! Thanks for the greeting. 

Aiza – thanks for remembering!! Hehe…

Mara Llanera – thank you for trying to be the last one to greet me. hehe!!

Mara Banson – thanks for being the last to greet me!! naxx.. special!

Mercedes – thanks for coming! I promise, we WILL go out one of these days! I miss you dopes so so much!!!

Marla – that goes for you too Marla!!

Mimic and Bobbie – thanks for greeting me! hehe.. 

Thanks you to those who went:
Tanya, Crissy, Annie, Mercedes, Nelle, Ginjie, Valerie, Fran, Tami, Ysa, Belle Rhiza, Amanda, Raule, Paeng, Pau, Yumi, Cat, Jiza, Anaissa, Camimi, Andro, Candy, Cesco, EJ, Gino, Jian, Miguel, Samboy, Boogie, Dan, Carlo, Nikolas, Maita, Maiqui, Arta, Polly, Casey, Roanna, Joey, Merc and Marla..

Other call outs: thank you to the soccer team!! Especially those who actually went down!! Maia, Mikee, Keena, Stefi, Marga, Mary and those who signed the poster Mikee made. Hehe.. thank you to SLC!! I love you all so much!! Hannah, Yumi, Pau, Jiza, Cat, Vea, Mica, Gabs, Cata, Boleng, Paulyn, Nicole Lee, Abbey, Dimpoy, Meg, Paeng, Ner.. Thank you MK!!! Paeng, Pau, Mica, Raya, Kring, Tracy, Luis, Bear, Ner, Yumi, Jiza, Cat.. thank you MTB!! I don’t know all of you yet so I won’t put your names anymore. Hehe…

Dear God,
Thanks you for such wonderful people who helped make my 17th birthday extra special. Thank you for my giving me loving parents who are so caring and patient with me. Thank you for blessing me with 17 wonderful years. I love you. You rock!
Nicole

My 17 list of things I thank God for:
1. My family
2. The Aysees
3. MK
4. My stars
5. The soccer team
6. My MTB family
7. My teachers
8. My SLC family
9. My batch
10. My friends who don’t fit into any of the other categories (hehe)
11. My Luke 18 and YSA family
12. My school
13. My camera and phone (haha!)
14. Mica. my bestest friend! i love you!
15. The A and N boys of Ateneo (naxx! Special mention kayong lahat!)
16. My number one!!! (naxx.. special number ka! Haha..)
17. And of course.. my LIFE. Ü

Things to add to my list of names:
If you call me Neekol, you are Peesha..
If you call me Nikki, you are Rhiza..
If you call me Nikawl, you are Bong..
If you call me Ana, you are Lili..
If you call me Gregarious or Vonderful, you are Mayumi..
If you call me my Luke angel, you are Miguel Jayme who is the the only procopio who greeted me on my birthday. The three others completely forgot! Those dumb butts!
If you call me Cole, you are G..

Haay… I had fun last night. Thanks you goiys! Even though part of me thinks that something or someone was missing, I had a great time. 

Something's missing and i don't know how to fix it.. Something's missing and i don't know what it is at all..

you gotta give credit to John Mayer. he rocks. it's like he knows what i feel.

first picture is my MTB FAMILY!!! yehey!! i love my MTB family. welcome new members!!!!

second picture is me and boogie. wala lang. ang kyot ko eh. haha..

If I were a day of the week, I'd be:
+ Friday because everyone's on line on Fridays. labo.

If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be:
+ uhma.. pwede bang playstation?

If I were a liquid, I'd be:
+ water. in demand baby!

If I were a clothing, I'd be:
+ a soccer jersey.

If I were a flower/plant, I'd be:
+ roses.

If I were a season, I'd be:
+ summer.

If I were a mythical creature I'd be:
+ APHRODITE BABY!

If I were a color, I'd be:
+ red to show passion. love, hate, war, service.

If I were a sound, I'd be:
+ the sound of rain. soothing at times, relazing, demanding..

If I were a movie, I'd be:
+ The Princess Diaries but i don't know who my prince would be.

If I were food, I'd be:
+ fries

If I were a material, I'd be:
+ cap.

If I were a taste, I'd be:
+ pringles. once you pop, you just can't stop. HAHA!

If I were a word, I'd be:
+ gregarious. haha.. keedeeng.. i'd be, MAGIC.

If I were a body part, I'd be:
+ a heart

If I were a facial expression, I'd be:
+ ampu, rawr or wapak.

If I were a shape, i'd be:
+ a fumoon. HAHA! i'd be a right triangle. para pwede mag trigo.

If I were a number, i'd be:
+ 17

If I were an animal/insect:
+ lion. rawr!

If I were an instrument, I'd be:
+ drums. you can play anything there.

If I were a place, i'd be:
+ boracay.

* +[nicklet] (~nike17@203.76.232.172) Quit (Quit: being happy doesn't mean that everything's perfect. it just means you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections. so don't say that you're happy because everything's alright. be happy because everything sucks but you're doing just fine. :])

1. Do you have a nickname? what is it?
-- Nicole, Nicki, Fumoon, Nikki, Anna, Sarms

2. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
-- Cookie Dough or Chocolate

3. What movie/s are you waiting for?
-- Spiderman 3

4. If you wanted to be in a band, what type of genre of music would your band play?
-- punk rock! just like sir ja. hehe.. it doesn't even involve talent. but for me baka acoustic lang.

5. what is the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?
-- french fries.

6. do you want to live with your parents forever or move out?
-- move out at one point. like when i get married.

7. Where is the place you want to be right now?
-- Boracay

8. What song/(s) do you listen to to feel happy?
-- punk music

9. In The Lord of the Rings, who is your favorite character?
-- hands down to aragorn who is the TRUE lead.

10. In Star wars, who is your favorite character?
-- who else? R2D2. haha.

11. What movie/s made you cry?
-- Titanic ampu.

12. Name famous people that you have a crush on?
-- MIKEL CAMPOS. heart evangelista. haha!

13. What is your favorite drink?
-- pepsi. but i've given up on that for soccer. so now it's gatorade. ang mahal mehn.

14. What cartoon is your favorite?
-- Sponge Bob Square pants

16. Paper or Plastic?
-- Paper. Its biodegradable. (agrees with kassie)

17. If you could freely kill just one celebrity, who would it be?
-- how i wish sir torres was a celbrity for this question. hrm.. christina aguilera.

18. Coke or Pepsi?
-- PEPSI. doi.

19. In a week, how many times do you go online?
-- the question here is, when do i actually go off line?

20.If you could be someone else for a whole day, who would it be?
-- Heart Evagelista. haha.. i would wanna be Jiza Jimenez for a week. hands down she's one of the most admirable people i know.

21. Single or taken?
-- taken! wahahaha.. aliens have come and abducted me from this earth! rawr. ugh. i'm fucking single.

22. Describe yourself in one word?
-- rawr.

23. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
-- shut the alarm and pray.

24. What's the last thing you do before you go to bed?
-- pray

25. Something about you that you're proud of:
-- i am a proud member of MTB and SLC. i love my stars class, the MK and the aysees. and i am most proud of being a FILIPINO.

26. Are you in love?
-- very much in love with God. very much in love with school, my class and my peers.

27. What's your mobile number?
-- wahahahahaha. 12345678

28. Are you happy?
-- define happy.

29. Why?
-- because i want you to define it dopus.

30. What is the most important material object you possess?
-- my camera!!! and my phone and my guitar and my hrm.. computer. haha.

here we go. i feel so berry senti now. even more senti than i started out. why? i don't know. very confused. and hurt by BEA PUYAT!! (wahahaha!) keedeeng. i've been lsitening to the same song for the past hour. that's just so wrong. rawr. looking forward to see Andie on Monday. YEY. math midterm tomorrow. it's time to die nicole. hardiharhar!

happy 1st birthday antonio ignacio ocampo sarmiento!!

very confused. why? because i don't see why i should be senti when everything around me is SO happy. i don't see why i should be hurt when from the start i knew nothing was going to happen anyway. i knew all along that you liked her. (that's one you. here's another..) i'm happy for you luke boy. i'm happy that you're happy. rawr.

sentiness is the root of all evil. rawr. i'm chatting with clay. *sigh* ho humm..

Could Be Wrong
if i could hold your hand, look into your eyes
would you try to understand the things i'm gonna say
if i could show you boy how much i feel for you
would you turn around and tell me you feel the same way too
could be wrong you know comin' out the blue
i really have to say this baby i love you
if i could get it right and tell you face to face
would you think that i am true believe me when i say
i wanna let you know i just don't know the way
i wanna shout it out hear me when i say
these blues will always hang around until the moment i let go
and let you know baby i love you
i wanna let you know baby i love you
this you ought to know

maybe the whole "baby i love you" thing is a bit exaggerated. but you know.. rawr. ayoko na.

rawr. today ewan. for a short day it felt long. haha. labo.

i did flag today. rawr. i accidentally let go of the rope. haha. woops. math grade was ok. hehe.. rawr. i passed. eco was boring. recess. homeroom we tried doing the song. oh yeah. hehe.. cle test was ok. lunch with SLC. fun fun!! i'm nic and nicole lee is nicole. haha. alex medina is alex and alexis is alexis. haha. and i now know who's who. abbey or dimpoy and camille or nicole. PROUD. double physics. flag. yey.

tranining. SORRY NICOLE!!! i accidentally hit her. i feel her pain. it was my spike that kicked her. it was seriously an accident. it's LILI'S fault i tell you. she kicked the ball when i was gonna kick it so when i did your leg was there instead of the ball. rawr.

team cheer: (i'm not sure of the lyrics)
scold them! burn them! chop them into pieces! give them to berta, so she'll have her recess!
--> did i get it right lili?

i love my team. wala lang. i just superly love my team. i swear i do not want to get a line of 7. i need to stay with this team. rawr! i uperly love the team!!! it's so fun to be with them. i missed you today liboro!! haha! it was erm, quiet today. haha. no one constantly talking. rawr! mary you weirdo. you don't laugh at my jokes but you laugh at me after i laugh at my own joke. rawr.

I LOVE MY SOCCER TEAM!!

LILI AND KEENA SHUT UP ABOUT MR. MUSIC AND MY COOKIES. it's our little secret. haha!

i watched imelda last night. i don't want to react. that's it. flag tomorrow. rawr.

dream without you
Last night you said you love me
Last night you said you needed me
When I woke up I never saw you face
When I woke up you never left a trace
And if there's nothing I can say or do
I'll sing this song I wanna sing to you
i don't wanna dream if my dream is without you
i don't wanna sleep if my dream will only be blue
i don't wanna hear your words
i don't wanna feel your touch
all i know is that you hurt me so much
you said that we would stay together
i thought that we would be forever
i never thought we'd ever part
but now i have a broken heart
i wonder why i never understand
but i understood when i saw you then
boy, it's been years since we part
and all those years i never had a change of heart
i'm not asking you back, i just need a friend
all i'm asking is let me dream again

rawr. wala lang.

every time that i come near him i just loose my nerve as i've done from the start. every little thing he does is magic

tomorrow, i will be happy. i just know i will. right rhiza?

today is a happy day. i'm tired, senti and shit but happy. sorry to everyone i snobbed especially CRISSY!!! i heart you.

soccer team lunch today. again, i love my team!!! superly duper!! hehe.. it's so fun being with them!! you gotta feel superly special when you're with them. rawr. i love my team!

i made my slc notebook! to all slc people, sign it!! find your page, decorate and sign!!! cata, thanks so much for the gift!! you'll see me use it soon! hehe.. rawr!

jessica, no nicole lee is not in the varsity. she's in SLC. rawr. the nicole i'm talking about in soccer is nicole gustillo. hehe. rawr. OMG jess, i remember that!! can i just share that i was still in that same barkada and i was a "victim" too? RAWR ok, RAWR.

hrmm... rhiza, i'm so happy!! hehe.. i wonder why.... wala lang. rawr. rawr. rawr. rawr. rawr. rawr. (brill, that's a happy rawr.)

tomorrow will be a good day. yes it sure will. rawr. that's all i have to say.

mica, vea and i saved the flag!! yehey! haha.. it started raining and we ran!!! *claps* hehe.. it was fun saving the flag and having the knots all stuck. haha..

i'm listening to yellowcard and let me just say that THEY ROCK!!! hehe.. i love One Year, Six Months. hehe..

OMG. "laban na, o babae ka!" my class rocks! i love the transitions (sp?) of the songs! hehe.. galing galing!! my class' song rocks!! i haven't heard section 3's yet but section 2's and 4's are really good!!! ho my ged.

tanya pot!! how's bobbie? (feeling close) haha! hope you had a great day! the class missed you!!!

that's it i think. hrm... oh! ange, cara, gianna and stefi.. i will give your palancas tomorrow. i promise! and yes ange, they will be colored by then!

sir ja helped us a little with our song. he thinks we should have keyboards. hrm...

Today was a very memorable day. To start off… OUTREACHES ARE NOT USELESS. They help you realize so many things. We took up “What Is Poverty?” yesterday and I think it fits this SLA.

I woke up, excited for the SLA despite the night before wherein SOMEONE made lose all the excitedness and got me pissed. Ugh. I did the usual stuff then headed to McDonalds to buy a dozen mcmuffins and a dozen fries which I think shocked the cashier. Haha!

I got to school and went to church. Prayed for the day ahead of me and went to the Assumpta Court. Jammed a little with San-san. We did Noypi. Oh yeah! And torete. General assembly, blah blah.. fast forward!

The exposure was a GREAT experience. The singing, dancing, talking.. everything was VONDERFUL. I am so thankful that I was able to go through this experience. I’m so thankful that I was able to meet these kids and I was able to interact with them. Probably for the first time I truly understood them. “I cannot use your pity. Listen to me by understanding.” Or something like that. Rawr. Grabe, I can’t explain how good I feel to go through that experience and I cannot wait to go back. I WANT to go back.

Evaluation was great. We talked about or song most of the time. I’m glad that we were able to sing it to those kids who REALLY need this song. They were able to connect with it and hopefully in a way, they were touched by the song.

I am SO proud of 4-1. Winning is no longer important. What is important is that this song is FOR God and FOR those wonderful kids that we met today. This song now has meaning in our life. I am so proud of my class for being so open minded throughout the exposure, especially the Tahanan group. I am so proud of my class for really giving it they’re all to be of service to God and to others. I am so proud of my class that I can’t even explain how I feel right now. I am so proud of them for being so open and being so simple. I am so proud of them for trying so hard and really preparing. For not being your typical sheltered girl being grossed out by the smell or the dirt of the surroundings. I am so proud of my stars. 

I am proud, actually we, the Tahanan group, are most especially proud of Tanya and Crissy for really giving it their best a trying really hard to speak straight Filipino. You guys deserve a pat on the back. *pat pat*

Despite the diversities of my class, we are one. We are one in God. We are one in our passion to know, serve and love God and His people. We are one in woman empowerment. We are one.

I am so happy that today, when I told my parents about the exposure they fully support my decision to go back and do more things. I am so happy that they didn’t act like they did last year. I am so happy that they finally understand how I feel about these things.

BABAE KA!
Sigaw nila, sila’y palaging tama
Sigaw nila, kami ay pangalawa
Tama ba and iniisip nila?
Kami ba’y wala ng halaga?

Nagmula pareho sa lupa
Hinulma ng nag-iisang Ama
Mahina ba kami kumpara sa inyo?
Magkaiba ba talaga tayo?

Babae, babae
Walang karapatan
Gawan mo ng karapatan
Dapat kumilos na
Maga-alaga, mag-mahal
Sa tahanan simulan

Bangon na, oh! Babae ka!
Tumayo na sa iyong mga paa
Ipaglaban halaga
Pangaapi ng iba, tama na!

Isilang mo ang pag-asa ng bayan
Wag kang mabulag sa kadiliman
Na ang bawat buhay ay karangyaan
Bigyang ilaw ang bawat tahanan

Sariling kakayahan iyong pangalagaan
Bigyang buhay mundong ginagalawan
Malaking bagaay ka sa ating lipunan
Itaguyod mo ang iyong pagkababae

Laban na, oh! Babae ka!
Halaga mo ay iyong ipadama
Wag ka nang mangangamba
Makikinig na sila, sama na!

Isipin mo ang iyong kinabukasan
Pagbuklurin mo iyong lipunan
Instrumento ka ng kapayapaan
Pagkababae mo panindigan

Tara na, oh! Babae ka!
Bakas na sa ating mga mata
Kasiyahang nadadama
Makukuha mo na
Tayo na magkaisa, babae ka

Panggagamot ni doktora,
Turo ni Ginang Ana
Pagaalaga ni Eba
Modelo si Birheng Maria

Kinabukasan ng iba
Nakasalalay sa ina
Kaya babae bigyang halaga

Another highlight of my day was dismissal. Rawr. Haha! Go Dino! Rawr.

Rhiza!! I am SO damn happy. Rawr. Just SO damn happy. RAWR.

SERVICE IS A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE TO SERVE TO BE A PERSON FOR OTHERS.

at kahit nanlilipad, ang isip ko'y torete sa'yo

In my ten years of education in Assumption College, there is one thing that I always and will always be reminded of and that is to be of service to my fellow brothers and sisters especially those who are less fortunate than I am.

Junior year was probably one of the most important experiences that helped me develop as a person in al aspects - spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I am grateful to my 3rd year CLE teacher, Mr. Eric de Guzman, for helping me with my spiritual growth and development. He opened my eyes to see things I could not see in the past. He showed me that God never leaves me. God is with me all through out my journey through life. I learned from him that “God is the Man!”

My thoughts on the less fortunate were quickly changed in my junior year because of our exposure wherein we went to a part of Quezon City I’ve never been to. In pairs, we were tasked to interview an assigned family about their life there in Bantay Kabuhayan, a community funded by ABS-CBN.

Manang Susan told me and my partner about her life moving from Mindanao to Manila with her husband, four children and one grandson. She told us of her earnings and only getting to buy what they really need. They had neither a toilet nor a bed in their house which was small enough to fit only four people my size. They ate only little food and had no electricity. I felt guilt and pity. I was ashamed of myself spending all to get maximum satisfaction while if I would’ve opened my eyes, there were people suffering around me.

I never really expected anything to happen. I just thought that it was another exposure trip just like the past years, but I was wrong. I saw how lucky I am now and how some people can be so insensitive to the less fortunate. From that time on, I knew what God wanted me to do and as cliché as it may sound, I realized that God wanted me to be of service to others especially the less fortunate.

A few months later I signed up for my Service Learning Activity where we were assigned to teach the Pugad Boys of Don Bosco. It was a big challenge for me because I had to teach Chemistry, one of my worst subjects. I wasn’t failing Chemistry but I had a hard time understanding it.

I was assigned to a happy go lucky student who was very interested in learning. He gave me about 10 minutes to read over the lesson so that I can teach it to him. He gave me his full attention and was patient enough when I’d stop every so often because I’d have to read part of the lesson again so that I can explain it to him more.

I asked God for the help and guidance that I needed and thankfully, I was able to go through that one hour of teaching Chemistry. It feels good to have been able to teach and interact with someone who I knew needed my help.

Once I leave the confines of the Assumption, to enter a new world, my thoughts and views on society will forever be with me. I have come to realize that there are conflicts in our society because of the people who do not take the time to understand and know the other person and their situation, when in reality, the only way to truly know and understand a person is by stepping into his shoes and seeing the world from his point of view.

Service, I have come to realize is in each and every one of us. We are called to serve, yet at times we ignore His call. Life would go smoothly for everyone if only we took the time to help one another through this journey that we call life.

Service is a choice and I choose to serve to be a person for others.