The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying!!!

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

It's hard to lose someone. But what can you do? It's just like we're drifting away. It hurts. And it's hard. It takes some time of getting used to. I try to reach out to you, but it's so hard. You're always busy.

Crazy Mary is a slow girl who looks up to no one.
Would do anything for a cold one.
Wishes she could find her way home.
Got the look on her face and the stare of a ray gun.
We walked by everyday
and I wish there was something I could do for her.

Maybe if I took a little time to talk then she'd heal a little if she wants to.
She can run but let's teach her how to walk away now.
I'll shake a little if she wants to she'll laugh a little if she needs to.
There's a key to the door that she's hiding behind.

She watches the world pass her by like a freight train.
They all call her the same name.
Laughin' as they point and stare at her.
So she crys out to God up in Heaven,
been prayin since she was 11.
For Him to send someone to meet her there.

Maybe if I took a little time to talk then she'd heal a little if she wants to.
She can run but let's teach her how to walk away now.
I'll shake a little if she wants to she'll laugh a little if she needs to.
There's a key to the door that she's hiding behind.

And no one knows the thoughts, the dreams,
and the ideas she's got and contains inside.
She's broken apart and her heart is still lookin for somewhere to feel alright.
And no one knows the thoughts, the dreams,
and the ideas she's got andcontains inside.
She's broken apart and her heart is still lookin for somewhere to feel alright.

Maybe if I took a little time to talk then she'd heal a little if she wants to.
She can run but let's teach her how to walk away now.
I'll shake a little if she wants to she'll laugh a little if she needs to.
There's a key to the door that she's hiding behind.

one person i've considered to be my best friend doesn't tell me much anymore. i miss him. i miss the late night talks about this and that. i miss the stupid conversations at 5 pm and the serious conversations at 1 am. i miss hanging out in my house and not talking. (HAHA!) i just miss you.

the other person... hrmm... i've felt this since january. i just never said anything. bit by bit he's been drifting. yes yes, we talk sometimes. but it's just not the same anymore.

stop with the sentiness!!!!!!

i have classes today. YEY. i talked to dan lee last night and he might move to my class. YEY!!!!!! i'm so happy!!! i super miss dan lee!!! i love you best buddy. and let me just say that i'm hating THEM for you. i know you don't, but i do. that was not right what they did.

tomorrow i am watching harry potter. yey! i forced myself to finish reading it the other day so that i could be ready. HAHA! so now i'm reading the story of iliad which is giving me a splitting headache. HAHA! it's almost like shakespeare all over again.

foody recommended fm static. they're really good. i especially like crazy mary. i also suggest you download anthem of our dying day by story of the year. i love story of the year!!! anf three days grace!!! galing man!!!

this is SO funky. i was chatting with dj harry of jam 88.3!! hehe... wala lang. and he told me to tell him what i thought of his show. that's so funky. and i know he's real cause i was the one who added him. the other day i was listening to the radio and they said to add jam88p3@hotmail.com to their msn. SO FUNKY! wala lang.

anyway... today. i got to school and bumped into merc, baba and mica. i offered to buy tickets for sila tic, tac and cric so i got mica to run to power plant with me to buy tickets for the 430 show. i got them middle seats!!! how i envy you biatches!!!!! they were good seats ha!!

then we bumped into paul adasa in power plant. my gawd!! he looked SO much better before. he was with his "not yet girlfriend" according to him. special friend DAW. yeah sure, i believe you. WHATEVER. hahaha! kidding paul! he is now the PAST's teammate. he made me kwento. he even said "aww.." to me when i asked him. HAHA. dope! but it was actually great seeing him again and meeting her. HAHA!

mica and i then ran back to class. we were not late. HAHA. which was good. but we ran. that girl doesn't know how to cross the street. my gally goodness! HAHA!

boring class. i pity mr. dexter sir. poor dood, no one was replying to his questions. but he was a good teacher. very patient. hehe... to him badoodles are crown jewels. HAHA! he talked about the oblation run. HAHA.

break time. i saw dan lee!! i gave him a big hug!!! i asked him to go down with me but he was tamad. HAHA. dope! i went to sila tanya to give them their tickets. stupid guard. i don't think he knew that there were 2 classes going on. HAHA. stupid!!!

classes started again and FUMOON texted me. (yes he is alive and not caught up with his girlfriend that biatch.) asking me if i was with best buddy cause he wanted to meet up. he had no one to stay with daw in power plant. tss... i wanted to tell him that it wasn't nice what they did to best buddy. TSSSS.... sorry, but i feel very bitter towards him because of that thing. grrr...

anyway, he stopped texting back when i told him to have fun alone. HAHA. for some reason i was very attentive in class today. i dunno. haha. i was texting with this dood in class. haha... smoker! de joke! grr.. i didn't get to talk to ORANGE. i didn't get to see BeaLi. OH WELL! i guess my theory was right. HAHA!

boogie lent me his bluetooth device and it took me about 5 minutes to install it. i'm SO proud of myself!! boogie said he had to call up this dood and teach him how to install it step by step. HAHA! as tic would say... stupidaaaa!!!! HAHA! shush boogie! haha... i can give this back to you already. i'm done transferring files. it's fast lang pala. haha... i want one of these now. *hint hint to everyone out there*

cousins came over and it was time for dinner when i got a text from miguel jayme (butthead!!). he asked me if i was home cause he was gonna give a gift for tami. i had NO weapons. he killed me. paolo, your fault! i didn't know it was kill anyone day. now i'm dead. and wet. shit. but no harm done. i don't really mind. HAHA.

eating time. we talked about the congress and that mindanao dood saying "shet up!" haha... it was funny cause in the news when they showed it, they'd show the video clip of the shut up video. it was SO funnY!!! his face and all. and we talked about how the congress especially the mindanao dood is wasting their time on nothing. it's annoying!!! (sorry toff, no offense to your dad. he's good good!!! i like him!) there are only a few people i like in the congress. maybe this is why i wanna take poli sci. hehe... i hope people would vote for me.

there you go. that's my day. not very long. pretty draining though. and now i am chatting with dj cluadine. ho humm... my fairy tale's ended by the way. it's all real to me now. i am crushless and happy. and i am in love with someone who is not a color, if you get what i mean. rawr. i'm sure you people are trying to figure out who he is... rawr... sorry, i'm not gonna tell. i've decided to keep everything to myself until everything's ready to be said. LABO. but basta yun.

tomorrow i have a date with my dad. we're watching harry potter. we're gonna do some father-daughter bonding. every thursday is bonding day for us. we're starting it again. i'm glad. i have so much kwento for him. starting from the ateneo prom to today. haay...

later days! ( i hope the show the weekenders again. hehe...)

classmates, here are some picstures from the last soiree we had we 3A...

ponyemas carlo, easy ka lang. slow ako ngayon.

i was very disappointed with the movie. it was great yes, yes. the director is now my god. but i believe there was no justice to the book. i had to explain a lot of things to my father dearest.

some of the thing's they did not put in the movie:
* hermione's gift to harry. the kit for his broom care? i forgot what you call it.
* Hagrid's gift. The Monster Book of Monsters
* Harry telling Stan that his name was Neville
* The minister of magic appearing in front of the Knight Bus when it arrived in Diagon Alley
* Sirius Black being on Muggle news
* Harry didn't bring the Invisibility Cloak the first time he visited Hogsmeade
* Malfoy saw Harry in Hogsmeade and told Snape
* Where was Cho Chang?
* As Tanya said, what is Hogsmeade without Butterbeer?
* Where is Cedric Diggory??
* the telephone call by Hermione and Ron
* Harry and Uncle Vernon's deal regarding the Hogsmeade consent form
* Stan's explanation on who Sirius Black is
* Harry's stay at the Leaky Cauldron. His whole week there. His independence
* Harry over hearing Mr. & Mrs. Weasley's conversation about Sirius Black
* Hermione purchasing Crookshanks
* Percy's girlfriend
* The conversation of Mr. Weasley and Harry was in the train station
* The cars sent by the Ministry for Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys to get to King's Cross Station
* The Sneakoscope
* Malfoy entering the room of Harry, Hermione and Ron in the train
* Where the hell is Pansy Parkinson??
* Hermione thinking that Divination is full of shit
* Snape in the teacher's lounge when they learned about Boggarts
* The potions of Professor Snape for Lupin
* What the fuck happened to Oliver Wood?
* The voices in Harry's head during the Quidditch match
* Gryffindor winning the Quidditch Cup
* Lupin telling Harry that the Whomping Willow was planted the same year they entered Hogwarts
* The firebolt being sent mysteriously and McGonagall confiscating it
* Buckbeak's appeal
* Why wasn't Lucius Malfoy in the movie?
* The blood of Scabbers in the boys' dormitory
* The BIG FIGHT of Ron and Hermione
* It wasn't in the book that Ron and Hermione was falling for each other, now was it?
* The map insulting Snape
* The celebration of Gryffindor with Butterbeer!
* Professor Trelawney's prediction was during Harry's final exam
* Christmas dinner with the teachers
* Harry seeing the dog talk to Crookshanks
* Hermione found Scabbers in Hagrid's hut
* Sirius Black with a knife inside the boys' dormitory
* Ron getting everyone's attention after the Sirius Black incident
* Malfoy's little prank on Harry with the Dementor costumes
* MY FAVORITE PART: the long conversation in the Shreiking Shack. The whole conversation!!! The whole explanation.
* The floating stretcher
* Wasn't Ron unconscious when they were in the hospital wing?
* Wasn't Snape there explaining to the Minister what happened?
* Bakit extra lang si Dumbledore?
* The new pet of Ron and Black's consent for Harry to be able to go to Hogsmeade the following year

So there we have it.

the guy who is not a color and has made me fall in love with him is now called "mint". vicka gave it (thanks dood!). haay... mint and i were conversing through sms today. interesting... HAAY...

i woke up early today. around 730 or something. why you ask? because BRILL IS BACK!! welcome back old fart! i missed you!! :D even though you woke me up. HAHA!

went to chat and i disconnected the blue tooth device. my computer will forever miss you. HAHA! labo. maraming salamat boogie. i hope he knows how to intall it already. haha!

I saw Pair Reyes yesterday. Wala lang. Mica said I sounded so excited to see her. well DOI mica! I WAS! HAHA!

Today's pretty boring. I mean the whole highlight of my day was HP3. HAHA. that's pretty much it. oh and that i heart mint.

"Odi Et Amo" was written by a Roman poet named Catullus. I read that from our DLSUCET Mock Test today. It means "I love, I hate." Or something like that. Here, let me paste the poem here:

I hate and I love. Why do I do it, perchance you might ask?
I don't know, but I feel it happening to me and I'm burning up.

Wala lang. What else did I get from the mock test? Hmm... Here:

"The dream is the small open door in the deepest sanctuary of the soul" - Carl Jung

ang lalim noh? HAHA! wala lang... hrmm... here we go, today...

I got to #ateneosucks before Miguel!! HAHA! Well, he got disconnected and woke up late according to him. But hey, I still got op!! HAHA! I was SO happy.

I talked to Bryan last night. He was feeling down and needed some cheering up! So I did my best!!! I think he was pretty cheered up after. HAHA.

I went to school. I was pretty early too! HAHA! Hrm.. I got there at around 12:45 or something. The classroom was still locked. HAHA. Then, Trina showed up and wanted me to accompany her to Power Plant to buy tickets for Harry Potter. So I did. We got back and it was almost time to take the DLSUCET Mock Test. I didn't know anything about it!!!!! Argh!!!

But hey, it was pretty easy. Science was hard. Mica that dope got a 40 out of 40 in the Abstract Reasoning part. NERD! Haha!

It was SO cold inside the classroom man! HAHA! I was making kulit Carlo. Well, not exactly kulit. I saw his name on my phone so I sent him an SMS. HAHA! He stopped replying though, dope!

Mica and I talked about this dood in class. HAHA. Basta I can't say what exactly what we were talking about but it was funny!! Haha. Basta there!

Dan Layug was LATE. HAHA! He arrived the minute I finished the 2nd test. I think that was Math. I wonder how he did. Hmm...

I saw best buddy again!! And of course, I hugged him!! I love hugging Dan Lee!! I miss him oh so much!!!!!

I returned Boogie's bluetooth device and now my computer feels lonely. HAHA. Labo.

Dan Lee's class is SO fun! They're so loud and hyper and their teacher's only 18 years old!!!! OH MY! She is so freakin young!! Her name's Ina. Wala lang. HEHE. Tomorrow's our last day.

GOOD LUCK FOR THE SAT's TIC AND BENJAMIN!!! I know you guys will do GREAT!!!!

Please pray for Maiqui's brother, Javier because he might need an operation. I don't exactly know why. Err, I forgot to ask. And pray for BeaLi. And for my brother too! He's sick. He's got some kind of a throat infection or something.

FRIENDS! We won't have a batch party on the 12th. It was moved. We're still looking for a place and date again. OH WELL!

"You don't do it on purpose but you make me shake. Now I count the hours til you wake. With your baby's breath breathe symphonies, come on sweet catastrophe. Now maybe this time I could follow through, I can feel complete, stop paying dues. Stop the rain from falling, keep my ocean calm. This time I know nothing's wrong."

the wind went and pulled me into your hurricane..

i am in love with mint. too bad it's unrequited. but do i look like i care? i'm very happy with what we are now and what we'll never be. i've come to realize the truth. there is no hope for me and mint. but i don't care because i love mint! he is the guy of my dreams. and my song for him is hurricane. RAWR.

i'm proud to say that i have not told a single soul about mint. i haven't tol anyone who he is. not even a clue. yey. so proud. oh no wait, i've told someone. but you know, i don't think she reads this. do you? you're the ONLY person who knows this. and i've told you this even before. you know who mint is. HAHA. shh... we've got until my 17th birthday dood.

you don't do it on purpose but you make me shake

for my debut i want a fairy tale/princess theme. hehe.. i want to be wearing a red dress and for mint to be there. HAAY... right... i hope he can be there. rawr... i want him to be there. he'll see me dressed up like Cinderella!! hehe...

i live in a fairy tale. i want to be a princess with HIM as my prince.
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I took a trip down memory lane today. I was reading messages from Mr. Past. It just sucks knowing that we can never be friends. That he’s chosen to erase me from his system. It hurts, but I guess it’s the best. He’s hurt me, I’ve hurt him. That’s just it.

Dino said something today about the weather being sad and gloomy. It was true. I remembered Luke boy. Today I wished that it was the summer of 2003 again. But what’s done is done. It’ll never be the same between the two of us. If only I can go back in time and stop myself from admitting the feelings I had for him.

wanted to turn you on my favorite song. Wanted to be near you but somebody owns you now

I hate that there’s this certain awkwardness when we’re together. I hate that he doesn’t tell me stuff anymore. I hate that I don’t know him anymore. I hate that we’ve drifted apart because we took our friendship to the next level and failed. I hate seeing him and knowing that there will never be an “us” again. I hate remembering what he said, “I like ***, but I love you.” I hate that we’ve admitted that we aren’t meant for each other. I hate remembering that summer. I hate remembering what I told you when everything was over. I hate seeing her in school knowing that it’s her now and not me. I hate that I can’t run to you in times of need because of that certain awkwardness. I hate that you don’t call me anymore just to ask me how I’m doing. And the biggest hate comes here. I hate that I hurt him. I never meant to. I regret it now.

I want to be a princess with YOU as my prince

I spent about an hour or 2 last night, trying to figure out how to work Scoop Script 2004. I finally got it, got tired and went to sleep. Thank you Vicka and Ralf for helping me get it. HAHA!! “By George, I’ve got it!”

Thank you to Rhiza, who helped me do that marquee thing. HEHE!!

Today I woke up with the tooting sound of my phone at 9 am. Thinking that I made the mistake of setting the alarm at 6 am, I went back to sleep. I woke up 30 minutes later and realized that I was going to be late for breakfast. I took a bath and had err, a few costume changes. Then I headed to the breakfast table to see what was there.

Bacon, eggs, spam and corned beef were on the table. I now remember why I do not eat breakfast. These foods make me dizzy. I don’t know why. I guess my stomach never liked those kinds of food. It’s not in me to eat breakfast anyway.

At 11 am I was off to the dentist for my 11 appointment. HAHA. I was late but had to wait a while because there were patients before me. I was there until around 1230 or something.

I got to school at around quarter one. Come to think about it I was pretty early. So I headed down to the library with Mica and got the class directory photocopied. It was SO cheap. It was like 50 cents per page. WOW! Now I know where to go to have things photocopied.

you don’t do it on purpose but you make me shake…

We had a little more time left so we decided to hang around section 2’s class since I believe that they are a MUCH fun class. HAHA. No offense to my classmates, but they’re just too quiet for me!!

Dan Lee was there and we talked about this and that. You know, catching up on stuff. We also talked to Mr. Dexter who was there teacher for the Simulated DLSUCET thing. We talked about the best schools and what course to take in certain schools. Things like that.

I got Annie to move to my class today. She sat behind me and right in front of Boogie. YEY!! I’ve missed you SO much Annie!! I’m so glad I got to spend a little time with you today.  Boogie on the other hand was SO kulit!!! He kept throwing pieces of his eraser at me and I tried throwing little pieces of paper at him, but they just wouldn’t hit him. Oh well. Poor Annie was right in the middle of all the madness.

The lovers Steven and Joanna were missing after the break. SNEAKY! SNEAKY! I wonder what those two were doing! HAHA!! Ms. Ina said something which I do not want to write here. It’s too disturbing.

Dino sent me a text message telling me that Fahrenheit was on MYX. Excuse me? That was NOT Fahrenheit. They will NEVER EVER be the same WITHOUT Dan Lee. Argh!!!

BOOGIE!!! CONGRATULATIONS!! NAXX… CHAMPIONS MEHN!!!! *shakes hand*

It was actually a fast class. It was all of a sudden time for class pictures!!! Mica took forever in the bathroom! Mica and I were right smack in the middle of the pictures. HAHA! Good one dood! (As if you’d get to read this!)

never in my life have I been more sure, so come on up to me and close the door

After my class’ picture taking, Mica and I went to the other class to help them out on their picture taking. I took about 2 pictures. I’ve got a lot of pictures in my camera. I swear they’re such a fun bunch! Even though I didn’t get to meet any of them. Hehe…

Dan Layug’s so weird. He sent me a text message saying sorry and stuff. Hey, I don’t blame him. I was pretty shallow anyway. I got to talk to him a little after class. Argh!! I DIDN’T GET TO TALK TO ORANGE!!!!! DAMN IT!! I’M SO UPSET!

I headed out to Rockwell with Mica who didn’t know how to cross the street. My goodness! Some kind of a Tanya ha! (just kidding tic!) We got there and it was time for me to go home. My dad asked where everyone was headed and I told them that people were hanging out in Power Plant so they allowed me to stay and get picked up later on.

I headed out to Jollibee and met up with Luis, Kaye Ang and Maika. Luis!! I’ve missed you so much!! It’s like I haven’t seen you forever! HAHA! We took a picture card and walked around the mall. Then it was time for Kaye and Maika to leave so it was me, Annie and Luis left. (thanks for a great “date” by the way!)

I was so star struck today!!! I saw Alexa Ortega!! To all the Lukers who are reading this, I will love you if you introduce me to her. All I want is a picture and an autograph. I swear, I must be like her number one fan man!!!!!! I love Nickelodeon because of her!! Last time I saw her I told myself that I’d go shake her hand the next time I see her but I got all shy! Number 1, she might think I’m some crazy lunatic and number 2, I am much older than her.

We ate in Kaya. I ate a cup of rice and a bulgogi and a half! I was so hungry! I haven’t eaten all day!!! Then Annie left and so Luis and I walked around on our “date”. HAHA!! He had to go so I stayed with Mica and her family until my ride arrived. Mico is just SO adorable!! I’m in love. HAHA! Too bad you weren’t my age, older or a year younger. HAHA!

I called up Tic a couple of times to tell her that ***** and ***** were in this magazine I was reading. She SO has to get that magazine now! HAHA! Oh, how was your SAT’s by the way? Will I be seeing you wear a nice new Adidas jacket any time soon? 

I got home. My family was eating dinner. And I mean my WHOLE family. My cousins and all. I was like, WOAH! What’re you doing here? Then I realized that they went to Batangas with my Nono and only got home now. Hehe…

I had a little play time with my little brother after their dinner. He still has that throat infection. Nothing serious, he just needs to control his putting-everything-I-touch-in-my-mouth. He was so adorable! He kept laughing. AS IN LAUGHING!!! I kept tickling him and he just laughed. LABO. HAHA…

I have no internet now. SUCKS. I think it’s because of the rain…

And I will waste no time worried about no rainy weather

Last night, I couldn’t sleep properly. I was thinking of him. Mint. Call me cheesy but, I imagined his smile, his scent, the way he talked, the way he makes me laugh, the way he teases me to other doods, the way he asks who mint is, everything. I didn’t feel bad that what I feel is unrequited. I felt really good actually. I’m glad we’re friends, really. Anything more than that would be great, but I want to take this step by step. Friends first, DEFINITELY.

I watched America’s Sweethearts last night and there’s a part there where the dood, John Cusack says, “All my life I’ve searched for clarity. Everything’s so clear to me now and it’s ridiculous but, it’s YOU that I want.”

Everything’s so clear to me. I don’t need a relationship with him, no. I’m glad we’re friends. I value his friendship. Losing him would be such a tragedy (shit ang drama pero totoo). I love it that I can talk to him about anything at all, except for the fact that he’s mint. I love that he’s there when I need to vent about something. I love that he always makes me feel special. I love that he always makes me feel good about myself, especially when I’m going through my unappreciated phases.

I know what will happen once I know he’s found out that he’s mint (not that he has). I’m going to act different around him and that would just ruin our friendship. I don’t want that. He is one of the people I can’t bear to lose. I’m glad that I met him. I’m glad that these past few months have brought me closer to him. I’m glad that I’ve gotten to know him. I’m glad that we’ve got this bond between us now.

Getting to know him more and more each and every day makes me fall even more. I’m falling in love with him and I can’t stop myself from doing so. My heart wants it and my mind wills it. I am falling for this guy, this guy who is mysterious to my friends, this guy I like to call mint.

I can’t help feeling a tad bit jealous every time he talks about this girl or that girl. Even if he tells me that he doesn’t crush on the girl, he just finds her pretty. I know I can never be that girl. NEVER. I will never be as pretty as her or dress up the way she does.

But I don’t want to change just because I want (not need) this feeling to be reciprocated. I want you to see me for who I really am. I want you to see that I hate dressing up, that I only have 1 skirt, that I’m not little Ms. Gimikera, that there are times when I feel unappreciated, that there are times that I can get a tad bit too emotional, that I can be a little tomboyish sometimes and that you have to start conversations with me to make me talk. I want you to see me for who I am and not compare me to this girl and that girl.

I get butterflies in my stomach every time you ask me if I want to talk, every time you send me a text message, every time you talk to me, every time you compliment me, every time you ask me who mint is.

Don’t call me a dreamer. That implies that things can’t be done. –Rico Blanco of Rivermaya

I get jittery and nervous when you ask me who mint is. I don’t know if you know it’s you, or if you’re just really curious. Are you curious because maybe, just MAYBE, you have these feelings for me and you’re jealous because you think I have no feelings for you when in fact I talk about you most of the time. HAHA, HELL YEAH! I WISH. I’m living in a dream land, a fairy tale with you as my prince.

Just a simple hi or smile from you gives my tummy butterflies. What more when we converse? What more when it’s just you and me, with our own world, talking? You make me feel something I can’t explain. Something different.

I want you to know that I am here for you, ALWAYS. I will ALWAYS be your friend. For whatever hurt I’ve given you or I’ll give you in the future, with whatever reason, I’m sorry and I didn’t mean it. I am always here for you. I want you to feel what you’ve made me feel. I want you to see how special you are to me. I want you to feel appreciated.

Damn, I know you’re not exactly a cheese ball like me. I know that it’s not your thing to be like this, emotional and all that. But I can’t take it. I just have to let all this out. It’s not like you know who you are anyway.

Two people now know who mint is. One I opted to tell and the other just figured it out. (smart dood!) I trust you both with all my heart.

All my life I’ve searched for clarity. Everything’s so clear to me now and it’s ridiculous, but it’s YOU that I want to be with

Your face lights up the sky on the highway. Someday you’ll share your world with me, someday. You mesmerize me with diamond eyes. I try to fool myself to think it’ll be alright. But I am losing all control. My mind, my heart, my body and my soul.

Never in my life have I been more sure, so come on up to me and close the door. Nobody’s made me feel this way before, you’re everything I wanted and more.

To speak or not to, where to begin, the great dilemmas I’m finding myself in. For all I know you only see me as a friend. I try to tell myself “wake up fool, this fairy tale’s got to end.”

If you want me to wait, I would wait for you. If you tell me to stay, I would stay right through. If you don’t want to say anything at all, I’m happy wondering.
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www.bealiwanag.com check it out!

Tanya and I were just talking about some things that happened over the past year. I love my junior year man!!! SUPER!!!

I remember getting stuck in the art room. HAHA! Right before the Literature midterm. That was just SO wrong. Lit with Ms. Villafania DOOD!!!! SCARY!!!

Remember the time when half the class was late for Music class except for me, Tic and Cric? HAHA! Laugh trip!! We were the good girls!! right... HAHA!

Grabe, I can't believe it, we're gonna be seniors in just a few days. It gives me shivers. I love my class. I love the stars. Even my own star (hehe..). Without one star, our class wouldn't be the same.

section one rocks my socks!!

the weather fits the mood. it's so sad and gloomy once again. i am senti. i haven't been like this for such a long time. ho humm..

detroit won. wopeeyey! thank you very much for the wake up text carlo. you've given me a splitting headache. rawr. go spurs!

here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

i miss pia. i miss getting to talk to her on the phone any time i want. i miss getting to tell her things i don't tell a lot of people. i miss her.

it actually only hit me now that she's, well, far away from me. she's far away and so many things i regret doing and not doing. i wish i could've joined antioch with her. 2 years from now maybe i will. maybe i'll wait for her to get back before i join antioch.

to know that you feel the same as i do is a threefold utopian dream

"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us." --The Wonder Years

i got that from tanya's LJ profile.. it's so nakakasenti. what a sad sad day...

<+Sha\BAFFLED> I wasn't fond of sleeping
<+Sha\BAFFLED> because my reality is way better than the dreams I have
--> so true!!!

i wish that somewhere out there is the special someone just for you who will go the extra mile to make what was destined to be a reality

i love it that mint cares so much. i love that he's there for me when i need him. i love that he always tries to make me feel happy. i love the compliments he give even though sometimes i know it's just pabiro. i love his little "kwentos" everyday. i love the way he says "nic". i love him for being my friend. i love him because he's the best. i love him for always being there for me and never leaving.

everyday is a new day and he just unconsciously makes me fall for him more. and i can't help myself. i can't falling in love with him. sometimes i just want to tell him. but that would just be, well, wrong. like i said, i don't want to ruin the friendship. but it's just hard with you not knowing.

Desperate for changing Starving for truth Closer to where i Started Chasing after you

i'm falling even more in love with you letting go of all i've held onto i'm standing here until you make me move i'm hanging by a moment here with you

forgetting all i'm lacking completely incomplete i'll take your invitation you take all of me

now.. i'm falling even more in love with you letting go of all i've held onto i'm standing here until you make me move i'm hanging by a moment here with you

i'm living for the only thing i know i'm running and not quite sure where to go i don't know what i'm diving into just hanging by a moment here with you

there's nothing else to lose nothing left to find there's nothing in the world that could change my mind there is nothing else there is nothing else...

Desperate for changing Starving for truth Closer where i Started Chasing after you

i'm falling even more in love with you letting go of all i've held onto i'm standing here until you make me move i'm hanging by a moment here with you

i'm living for the only thing i know i'm running and not quite sure where to go i don't know what i'm diving into just hanging by a moment here with you

just hanging by a moment hanging by a moment.. hanging by a moment... hanging by a moment here with you..

i am living in a fairy tale with you as my prince...

don't call me a dreamer. that implies things can't be done.

Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabys
So let me close my eyes

And sleep
Per chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away I’ll dream away

So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

i'm hanging by a moment here with you

why is mint like that? why can't i just stop myself from falling? it's so hard to fall for someone who obviously won't EVER fall for you too. why does he have to be SO sweet? SO caring? it's not your fault i guess. you don't know anyway.

but sometimes, you being like that gets me thinking. will there ever be an us? will we ever be more than friends? then i go do some more thinking and realize that it's stupid of me to think that we'll have something more than friends. STUPID of me. it makes me feel like a fool.

Maybe you soon forget about all
Or maybe you'll miss it like I do
But one thing's for sure:
I'm all knocked out
I SPEND TOO MUCH TIME THINKING OF YOU

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the DANGEROUS KIND
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
Cause I can't get you out of my dreams

Don't wanna call, don't wanna write
I wouldn't know what to say
IT SHOULD BE YOU, THAT'S HOW I WANT IT TO BE
Tell me you feel the same way

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the DANGEROUS KIND
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
Cause I can't get you out of my dreams

Oh yesterday I was feeling safe
All I do today is try to be brave
And no melody can seem to soothe my mind
NOW I CURSE YOU FOR BEING SO SWEET AND SO KIND

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the DANGEROUS KIND
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams

i just realized that school will be starting soon. i've been very excited for school until now. i don't want to go back to school. i don't want you to go back to school. i want it to be summer, always. and not because i need a vacation, NO. i hate summers. i want it to be summer always because i get to talk to you and see you.

when school starts, wala na. you'll be busy, i'll be busy. we won't have time for our little chitchats, our little biruans, our little kwentos and stuff like that. and i'm scared that you'll drift away from me. i'm scared that i'll miss you. why is it like that?

isn't that just, erm, wrong? isn't it wrong to think that? to think that MAYBE you feel the same for me? to miss you? to think that this bond we have will slowly manipulate? (my gawd, the word, manipulate! HAHA!)

tic and sha are so smart. tic figured out who mint was even before i told her. but of course i always denied it. HAHA! sha, well, sha just figured it out. hehe...

i am living a fairy tale with YOU as my prince

If I told you how I feel about you
Would you say the same and
If I wrote it in a letter
Would you keep it or throw it away

I never thought I'd feel the way I'm feeling lately
When everything you seem to do just drives me crazy

Every waking day you take my breath away
With every word you say you take my breath away
You look at me that way, baby come what may
I hope that you'll always know how to take my breath away
How to take my breath away

if You told me how you feel about me
Cos I did not know
If you said you'd fill my heart with all your loving
Til it overflowed

I don't know the way you feel but boy I'm hoping
I always used to hide a way, but now I'm open

in exactly 6 days, i will be going back to school. i will be a senior. wow. can you believe it?! a senior! damn i'm getting old. HAHA!

first party of the summer. "A BEAutiful Cause". it wasn't exactly the best party i've been to. not that i didn't have fun. i mean you know, people getting drunk here and there. ateneo prom the next day.. rawr. it was great, i'm glad we had that party for bea. but you know, something was bothering me. HE was there. and HE was NOT minding me. which was just so wrong right?

here we go.. ateneo prom. ac lost to poveda in the gals competition. rawr. hands it was one of the best night i could ever remember. seriously. everything was perfect. he looked GREAT. he could've been my prince (only now it's mint.) the dancing, the dinner, our table. everything was perfect! i didn't expect it to turn out like that. but in the end.. rawr.

i didn't expect that heartbreak. i was ready to get over him after that prom. but something about that night made me realize i couldn't get over him just like that. he tried to bring back that spark we once had and well, WALA. there was nothing.

thanks to my friends, i got over that. i love you doods. thanks oh so much!!!! the aysees: pic, tic, cric, mic; dino, maika, joey pee, jiza, rhiza, boogie.. thanks oh so much!!

crissy's birthday! I WAS THE FIRST TO GREET HER!! oh yeah!! haha...

probably the saddest part of my summer was pia's despedida. hrm.. *sniff* i had a great time. i was glad she was surprised. i was glad she was happy. thank you to all those who were there and those who performed. man, i miss pia oh so much... thanks to the people who came: the aysees, the stars, AC people, pat o and pat b, ligaya people, lukers, fahrenheit, kst, N boys, foody and riggy, joey osmeña's band. oh and can i just say? JOEY DEMIGILLO BEBEH! (gee i hope he doesn't see that)

april fools' day. report card day. HAHA! i got line of 7's mehn! but it's all good because i passed chemistry!! yehes! thank you ms. abi! haha...

holy week.. wuhoo!! the best!! i spent the holy week with my cousins in a beach in batangas. it was so fun!! we'd be under the sun for 8 hours straight. i didn't have sun block on and guess what! i didn't get dark!! my cousins who were wearing kadoodles of sun block got SO dark!! darn you all!!

emma watson's birthday. i had a lunch with my lolo, lola, ninong ardee and of course, ruigi my cousin!!! this is my biological dad's side of the family. it was my first time to meet ruigi and i discovered a little something about him and liking a certain assumptionista! *wink wink* this was also the day my lolo told me that for my graduation/debut gift they're gonna send me to europe and california! YEAH BABY!

this was the 1st summer of my high school that i didn't play soccer in afc or mfs. yes, i stopped playing soccer all because of HIM. my parents didn't want me to play soccer in ateneo because HE was going to be there. i couldn't exactly tell him about my heartbreak now can i?

this is also the first luke weekend that i didn't go to ever since i joined. oh well. i guess my thing for luke just really not there anymore.

swimming in my house!! they were the best thanks you guys!! had lots of fun! thanks cric, tic, merc, baba, nelle, ginjie, valerie, tami, vinci, riggy, foody, cholo, mikko santos, joey pee, carlo ex happy crush, boogie, samboy.. did i forget anyone?

bladder burst changes to OUT OF THE BLUE! and we get a new band mate. plus a manager. jamming na doods!! i miss you guys!! trina, bam, san and alex!!! rawr!

Ysa came over!! nagdadalaga na talaga!! she was wearing sleeveless and we played typo shark all afternoon!! HAHA!! that was OH SO fun mehn!!! let's do it again!

water espionage!!! from having the lead to being last place. nice one! i killed corinna! haha.. wow nicole. and i was killed by miguel jayme you no good son of a... JUST KIDDING!!

oh! i got to hang out with tg and miguel!! so fun! even though it was just for a while! i've missed those two gay guys. HAHA! we should hang out again, aiit?

ahead!! ahead's really boring.. haha.. you learn a lot though. and you meet a lot of new people. but my class was dominated by the assumptionistas. HAHA! everyone else was, erm, quiet! HAHA! plus you've got tic, cric and tac sneaking in to ateneo. and dan lee in the other class. the fun class!!

seeing bea liwanag twice this summer!! the best!! i still miss you!! i'm really glad that you're doing better. i pray for you every night. i love you oh so much!!! (www.bealiwanag.com)

getting to know brill, erm, ben i mean!! you owe me a hang out old fart!! or shall i say, "porky dorky pumpkling pie"? HAHA!

last day of ahead!! thanks classmates, mica g, luis, kaye ang, maika, luisito, annie... i had fun in power plant!!! hehe.. with my date with luis! *wink wink*

SHREK!!!! thanks roanna, tic, tac, cric, merc, nelle and boogie. roanna and i had 2 seats each!!! haha!! twas SO fun!!! i love puss in boots!! he's so cute. and we saw lucky manzano!! OH YEAH! haha! and of course we also visited belle daza this day. HAHA!

i'm falling even more in love with you... completely incomplete...

and of course, the highlight of my summer... mint! Ü this summer is one of the best summers because of mint. everyday is a new day and i fall in love with him even more. and i'm not afraid to say it. (probably because he doesn't know who he is anyway. HAHA!)

i live in a fairy tale with you as my prince

here we go. we're going to be seniors soon. we're going to be filling out application forms, getting stressed with physics, taking entrance exams and of course, we're going to be DOMINATING THE SCHOOL!! wapak!! after that, we'll be entering a new world. college. SHET. it's time to build more memories.

reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.. -albert einstein

boogie woke me up today. salami dood! at 621 am. i think.. i don't remember. HAHA! well, anyway... i woke up by the sound of my cellphone ringing and with my bed vibrating. or maybe it was just my pillow. hrmm.. well anyway, the point is, i woke up.

i took a bath and did all the usual stuff. i started watching some dood that looked indian iraqian (sp?). he was really funny. he was on conan o brian. i love him!! galing!! too bad i didn't catch his name. HAHA!

went to my lolo's room to get my camera. i turned on the computer to play dope wars and to put some songs in my camera. then i was off to school.

i had a nice welcoming party. HAHA. mayumi and bear. grabe miss na kita yumi. haha.. kaw din bear!! i have no idea why we were there, but we were there. fast forward...

UP application. they could've just done that by class so that it would be easier. oh well... it was 1020 and my mom needed the driver at 1045 so i sent her a text message saying that we weren't done yet and it was gonna take a while. she called me. i was in a noisy room with ms. manabat talking. how did she expect me to listen to both? rawr..

she told me to look for a ride and to call her when i find one. so i went around the room looking for a ride and left my phone on top of the table. she was calling and duh! i didn't hear or see that. when finally i found a ride, i called her back. she said that the driver wasn't answering his phone. so i should just go tell him to go home already. so i did.

after a few minutes. what the fuck?! i get a text saying that i can't follow simple instructions. cause i was suppose to call her once i was with the driver. god, she didn't tell me that. and if ever she did, how can she expect me to hear?! i mean, doi, can't she hear all the chaos in the room!? talk about triple pms man!

so doi, i went on apologizing and explaining while doing that stupid application. and she said something like, stop lying nakakaasar. PONYETA!! she didn't wanna believe me when i told her i left the phone on top of the table. tangina. stupid driver didn't bring his phone.

gawd.. ysa said to just leave her alone. say sorry, explain and pabayaan ko na. ponyemas niya. it's ALWAYS my fault. when she does something she doesn't say sorry. pota...

and while i'm at it venting here about my mom, i might as well vent about someone else...

i don't know what you're expecting of me. put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.

i hate people who think they know me. "you've got issues" what the fuck? take a look at yourself man. you think i have issues because YOU DON'T KNOW ME AND STOP TRYING. you tell me that i never let you get to know me. you know why? cause I NEVER INTENDED TO. go ahead, get pissed, ask for an apology. see if i care. don't even think of sending me a text message after you read this. if you're gonna tell me something about knowing each other for 16 years, i don't give a shit. whatever happened to us before was crap. i was stupid to have been like that. i'm glad that it didn't last long.

argh! i hate people who think they know me!!!!

thanks again rhiza for the ride home. tell your brother thanks also thanks cric for patting me and making me feel better.

the ride home was great. soft seats!! hehe.. FUN FUN! i was listening to rhiza and her brother talk. it made me want an older brother. it made me miss my cousin, ben. he was like my older brother. god nicole, you're so stupid for fighting with him. ARGH. stupid misunderstanding.

i got home and ate lunch while watching the lakers-detroit game. carlo, i told you that the lakers win every time i watch. HAHA! i turned on the television with only about 3 minutes remaining. lakers were losing. they were down by 5 i think. last 30 seconds nalang, kobe scores a three and brings them to OT!! ponyemas. wala.. panalo na lakers for that game. i kept on texting carlo and boogie (who weren't replying) what was happening. i think i spent about 10 pesos on you doods. HAHA!

today i realized that for the next 9 months i will be ranting about my mother dear's triple pmsing. OH MY. that's all i can say.

you're it, you're the ultimate. it's automatic i'm sure of it. no lies. so don't even try to tell me that you're not that guy. cause i've been waiting all my life for someone just like you. you're it, you're the ultimate you.

i'm so happy that mint is always around to make me feel better. even when he's in school. i didn't tell him that i felt bad or anything about my mom. just conversing with him throught text made me feel good.

today, i sent dino a text message asking him why i'm scared because i'm sure of my feelings for mint. i don't know. i'm just scared. probably of getting hurt again. but i can't do anything about that.

i can't wait for school to start. I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE MAYUMI MORTEL AS MY SEATMATE. HAHA! i swear i'm sitting beside you dood. i can't wait for homework. i can't wait to see my stars again. i can't wait for classes even though i know it would mean less mint.

but hey, today mint proved that just because we're back in school we're not gonna talk anymore. nope, he proved me wrong and it makes me feel happy.

i'm hanging by a moment here with you...

My life is rated PG-13.
What is your life rated?

You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken
Like remember when
You took my heart and put it back together again

I've been wasting time with clueless guys
But now it's over
Let me tell you why
I'm through
I've meet someone new
Who's just like you

You're it
You're the ultimate
It's automatic.
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you

You're the kind of guy who's hands and mind send shivers up and down my spine
You took my heart and put it back together again.

You're the kind of guy that blows my mind
But now it's my turn
You've been right in front of me
Everything I need
Why didn't i see

You're it
You're the ultimate
It's Automatic.
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you

[Guitar Playing]

You're it
You're the ultimate
It's automatic
I'm sure of it
No lie
So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it
You're the ultimate, you

You're it
You're the ultimate, you....

i've decided to stop writing in xanga since i can't seem to work it anyway. HAHA! i mean, you know, i can't work the marquee thing. so it's just me and my LJ and tabula.

yesterday, i was having a really nice conversation about fashion and shit with angela when all of a sudden a the gardener's head pops in my lolo's room and told me i had guests. it was cric and tic! HAHA! in their class shirts.

we were hanging around in my room. eating pizza and airheads. (well, they were not me.) they were taking pictures of themselves being all self absorbed. haha! then they played tic tac toe. haha.. dopes! tanya, tic tac toe isn't a race, ok? HAHA! and we were looking at magazines. we saw rg in one. he was prom prince or something for the mchs prom. his date's dress was awful!

dino called and i told crissy to answer. "hello, nicole's room!" haha! laugh trip mehn! we were having our little girl talk. with dino on the line. HAHA!

come to think of it, we were all just laughing most of the time. haha! tanya was lying down on the floor with her head on the pillow. she wanted her hair to be like a troll. HAHA! weirdo!!! oh and i didn't know that dan layug's part of the aysees!!!! rawrie.. benjamin is MORE deserving to be an aysee than dan. not that i have anything against dan.

thanks for the visit dears!

imagine how the world could be, so very fine.. so happy together!

when they left, i went back to my room and chatted away. oh and dino was still on the phone. HAHA! almost forgot about that... ate dinner.. etc etc etc...

finally! everyone was signing in!! people were on line!! gawd! after my erm, very long wait. HAAY... we were all in mirc.

after a while, i all of a sudden didn't feel like chatting. why? because of mint. something he said last night made me feel so, erm, bad. even if he probably said it as a joke, it made me feel disappointed that he would think that of me. how can he possibly think that i would do that to him? someone who knows already how special he is to me. (as a friend i mean! no way will i tell him that he's mint)

so i disconnected and went to my parents room. i watched a part of shrek with them but then got sick of it afterwards. HAHA! i was conversing with sha through sms and somehow that conversation made me feel better. thanks sha!! :D

so i went back on line. chatting chatting.. at one point, i was cold to some people. but then you know, i cooled down. got bored and went to my room. i finished wrapping my books and made my own calendar. yack. looks panget. HAHA! oh well..

i love you more today than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow

i woke up today at 10 thinking it was around 8. haha.. i don't know why. hrmm.. i'm gonna see kc today!! yehey! i miss that damn biatch! just kidding kooks!

i hate asking my mom for stuff now that she's pregnant. as much as possible, i wanna get out of her way. especially after yesterday. her pms is starting. rawrie! but today i had to ask her something for my UP application. damn mehn! she got all sungit again. ponyeta.. ok lang, with all this, i get 3 siblings. HAHA! malay mo naglilihi siya sa akin. haha. ganda ng mga kapatid ko! HAHA!

i am off now. my mom bought some dvd's. i think i'm gonna go watch the big fish or something. HAHA! ciao!

you're the kind of guy that blows my mind and now it's my turn..

what i call ben trilles
--> ben
--> brill
--> benjamin (once lang)
--> beneeee (pronounced as benny)
--> old fart
--> dook
--> doof 1
--> dope
--> dork
--> porky dorky pumpkin pie (but only because hmm..)
--> b... b... b...
--> ben trilles
--> self-centered ass

what i can say about ben trilles
--> he starts a text conversation just to tell me that he wants to call, when he can just ask me directly.
--> he is always on line
--> he doesn't like it when i screech on the phone (now he just said that he enjoys the screeching)
--> he's a doof and an old fart (like me!)
--> i have an airhead just for him on top of my speaker
--> he can hear me say what i'm typing right now cause i'm talking to him right now. (he's actually dictating it to me) [he finds it cool]
--> he gave me nico's number
--> he can't say nakakapagpabagabag
--> he went to the US last summer
--> he was born a month after me
--> he is taking up something something (he already told me but i forgot cause it's long) in ateneo de manila
--> he's crissy's friend
--> he calls crissy cristina and she calss him benjamin
--> he has two cellphones
--> he graduated from lsgh
--> his dad works for an air condition thinga majiga
--> he likes reading about himself in people's blogs which is why i'm writing this. self centered ass!
--> i've never met ben in person
--> ben wants to be my love for the day
--> ben is out of the blue's groupie
--> ben had fun during his orsem
--> ben was in the chess club
--> his P.E. class in ateneo is table tennis with miguel hitosis

that's all i've got to say about ben

i watched The Big Fish yesterday. it's really nice!! you should watch it. it made me tear. HAHA! and ewan mcgregor's really hot. my favorite characted is Jenny. she said something like "i fell in love with a fairy tale". rawr.. i remembered myself. HAHA!!! but you know, there are a lot more realizations. i just have to watch it again to understand it a little bit more.

the biggest fish got that way because it never got caught

can i just share that for the first time in my life, it took me the longest time to get ready to go out? woah! i was so frustrated cause i didn't know what to wear and how to fix my hair. HAHA! when finally i just tied it. HAHA!

i got to greenhills at around 530, which was pretty early. erm, EXTRA early. the show started at 7. but since i had no other ride to greenhills, i had to hitch with my tita who had to be there early.

so i decided to go around. i haven't gone to greenhills for such a long time, so everything was pretty new to me. i sent nikolas a text message and asked him what i can do there. and you know what he replied? "nothing." gee thanks! i can just sit there and do nothing for the next one and a half hour.

he then offered me some company until the opening, but since i found popeye's, i told him that it was all good. from popeye's i could see steak jack. STEAK!!! talk about total PIG OUT!!! i ate a tenderloin steak and was too full to stand up but had to because i was already late.

i got to the store and can i just share? it wasn't starting yet! DAMN IT! i saw some old people i haven't seen for a while.. tito jun jun, tita sk, tita amy, denise, rissa, raya, bamba... tita sk told me that i won't get any barney tickets. DAMN! i wanna watch! haha.. she said i'm better off watching Linkin Park. i asked her if she had tickets and she asked me if Smart's their sponsor she can get me tickets. OH YEAH! smart buddy's a sponsor!!!

oh and my jaw hurt cause of all the damn pictures. they were all like, "nicole! you're so big already" and wanted a picture. haha. labo nun ah.

anyway, bamba and i were hanging. i mean, since we haven't seen each other for a while and she was the closest to my age. we went to cinabbon and when we came back, we had no seats left!! oh well, so we were standing up and we saw the people coming. that biatch kc, texts me that she wasn't coming anymore. HAHA! dope.. she was too lazy to stand up and fix her hair.

so while bamba and i were waiting for vacant seats we saw everyone pass by us. danica sotto and her "mohawk". grabe, feeling pretty masyado. nakakaasar. she should've brought her boyfriend so i could've asked for a picture with him. HAHA! not her.. i wanted to flatten her hair. bagong pauso eh. (no offense to anyone reading this and likes her, or erm, is related to her). joyce was there. alone. hrm... she got mad at me cause she said my dad told her that my mom wasn't pregnant when he really meant we're not sure it's triplets. haha! pahiya!

then i saw GJ IYA!! shet, i was star struck!! she is so DAMN pretty!! bamba and i were gonna take a picture with her after the show. as in we planned that! hrm.. who else did we see? we saw pach!! you dope! you didn't tell me that you were back!! i saw rissa and raya. i said hi to rissa but didn't get to say hi to raya cause she was too busy rehearsing her ramp. haha..

FINALLY AT 9 PM, the show starts. bamba and i found a seat. so i sat on her lap. HAHA! oh and kc, finally decides to show up. HAHA! her mom forced her too. so it was me and bamba on one seat and princess kc somewhere comfortable near JM and ninang gik.

the show was long and boring.. nothing special. HAHA! i saw raya a couple of times. haha.. and the models weren't exactly pretty. there was this one girl who was so argh. i don't wanna say anything. ARGH nalang.

finally the show is over. kc decides to leave. bamba decides to smoke. i was left alone. it was around 11 already and no one was texting me back already. i was BORED. gj iya left before i got to ask her for an autograph. DAMN. crush ko siya. HAHA!

so there.. i got home, talked to ben, made that blog about him and slept. that's pretty much my night.

she better be pregnant. ponyemas!

it's not my fault if they left without saying goodbye. argh!! frustrating man. okay it's like this...

my mom gave me something yesterday to give to my ninang which was important. i left it in the car of my tita (since i hitched with her). and i kept reminding her that i had to get it and give it to my ninang. argh.. they left without saying goodbye!!!!! PONYEMAS!!!!!

and now she's mad, sorry ha, tao lang po ako. ponyeta.

well, this is it. something happened. i've come to realize that my fairy tale will NEVER happen. NEVER. i've got my reasons. well, so here we go.. i'm getting over mint. by the end of my summer i will be over him. i must be over him. when senior year begins, i will be crushless and HAPPY. i will be waiting patiently for my prince to come. haay...

you're probably saying, "what a fickle girl" well, my feelings are still there. but after what has happened, i don't want these feelings anymore. i wanna get over it. get over him. and i will.

everything i've said in my lj, i don't regret. i did at one point fall... and i don't regret it. whatever i felt before felt good. it felt great. but it's time to move on.

good bye to you.. good bye to everything that i do.. you were the one i loved...

i went to AC today to submit Form 2 of my UP application. Ginjie, Alex, Nica and Danggay were there. when they left, i was still waiting for my ride. so i was in the guidance office "bonding" with ms. manabat. she's nice actually. but she's not fit to be our councilor. (sp?)

people came and went. i even got to talk to coach niño and ms. honey. we conversed about the summer and school about to start and stuff. i went back to the guidance office when maiqui came. we walked around the BROWN (eww..) AC. man, we're OLD! HAHA! we're gonna be seniors!!! argh!!!

we went back to the guidance office thinking we could use their internet. but ms. calma was there using the computer. OH WELL! sansan came and mic left. so sansan and i helped the people in the guidance office with the decorations for the grade 4 classrooms. SO SO FUN!!! hehe... we colored!!

my ride came and i went home. i watched Prince and Me. it's beautiful. it's like a real life fairy tale. pathetic as it may sound, i am waiting for my prince. haay... it's a GREAT story. i want to watch it again!!

then the whole thing with my mom. argh.. but i feel better now. we ate dinner together and she cooled down already, i think. so that's my day.

you've got to be true to who and what you are. if people like you, then it's good. but if they don't, then that's their problem.

i like that quote. it is SO true. god, i gotta stop trying so hard for people to like. i gotta stop being SO insecure. i gotta get over my trust problems. this bites. not a very good day indeed.

I talk to you and you're talking about her
Don't you know how much it hurts me?
Should I tell you how I feel for you?
What can I say if it's not meant to be?

She talks to me and she's talking about you
Can't she know that I've fallen for you?
I just can't tell her how lucky she is to have you
What can I do to make you fall for me?

I talk to friends and they say that you love me
How is that if you're talking about her
I'm so confused of what they are saying
Don't you know that I need you?

Seven years and we're facing each other
It's time to tell you what I felt for you
You tell me that you once love me too
But now you've found someone else and it's too late to love you.

The other thing is everyone knows that ever since we knew each other we had this thing for one another.

--> i read that from someone's blog and all i have to say is WHAT THE FUCK? childhood sweethearts my ASS! ponyeta... baka ikaw lang. as i said, I WAS STUPID.

argh. i hate it that you have this image of me. i'm not perfect you know. can't you see who i really am? and excuse me.. i'm sorry if you were offended but it WAS NOT an insult. ack.

now on the brighter side of things... fairy tales are fun. i wanna be a princess. mcdonalds party! i can't wait!

senior na ako!!! SHET!

first day of school today. i woke up at around 3 am. all excited for school. WOWOW. go nic! HAHA! i took a bath at around 530 and recieved a few text messages. including one from my friend who tried to wake me up. HAHA. dood, ang labo nun.

as i put on my socks after that nice long bath, i realized that I HAD NO SCHOOL SHOES. so i had to use my school shoes from 6th grade. oh yes, they still fit. in fact, they're still kind of loose for me. nice one!

i kissed my mum and brother bye. then bumped into my nono. i said bye to him and headed to kitchen to look for snacks to bring to school. i quiety waited for my bus to arrive in the kitchen drinking my apple juice which i think was expired. OH WELL. HAHA!

i suddenly had a feeling of sadness the moment i sat in the bus. usually, on the first day of school, the first person i'd see and talk to would be sacki. but now, she's in austria. i miss her. imagine being busmates for 9 years!! haay...

another thing that got me feeling down was a text i recieved. somehow it got me feeling down. it hit me that nothing will ever happen to me and mint. it got me down then pissed next. WOAH! TALK ABOUT A MOODY DAY! haha.. well there.. no more mint.

i got to school and saw the SENIORS in the assumpta court. wow! grabe mehn!! it was nice seeing you all again!!! fast forward..

ms. esquivel (sp?) is our class adviser. she seems nice. she speaks, WOAH tagalog. anyway.. orientations here and there. id pic... that's about it. and of course kwento here and there.

Mayumi Mortel was my seatmate for about hmm.. 10 minutes? damn class numbers. i'm at the back. polly said she's gonna marry a man with an "A" last name. HAHA! sorry dear, if you do that walang magyayari sayo. anak mo lang. HAHA! we won't be in high school by then dear!! HAHA!!

dismisal time. clar, tara and i were talking. oh and i met a new girl. hrm.. marga!! they're all sophies. WOAH. i felt young. HAHA! hrm.. we talked about bands. they heard my band's song and laughed. and let them hear the Out of the Blue version of Swing Swing. yes i got them to laugh. then clar listened to N/A. you doods have a new fan. yes.

got home ate lunch. well that's pretty much it. HAHA! later i'll be going to mcdonalds to confrim my party. OH YEAH! i can't wait!!!

it was great seeing you all!!!! i missed my stars oh so much!! i love you all!! cheers to a new school year ahead!

How to make a fumoon

Ingredients: 1 part mercy 1 part self-sufficiency 1 part empathy

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little lustfulness if desired!

i woke up from my sleep. i just can't sleep. i can't get the message from this morning out of my head. i can't seem to forget that dream i had. i can't seem to forget what the other dood told me. argh.. why is it like this?! i'm so confused...

"sayang lang nic..." ack!! i don't get it. what's sayang? i don't see why it would be sayang. after what i read first thing in the morning, i don't see why it's sayang. argh...

what have you gotten yourself into nic? why can't you just stop it and shuttup about all this? argh... i'm SO SO frustrated. and SO SO confused.

why isn't anyone an expert on this thing called love? why can't anyone give a proper definition for it? not even the dictionary. how do you fall out of love? why is it so hard to fall out of love? why do those people on blind date and 5th wheel just kiss without really getting to know the other person? that was SO not connected...

i've got a feeling that it's going to be a rough week for me. ayoko na talaga.. di ko na 'to kaya. why can't i just get over "sayang lang nic" and what i read this morning? why can't i just forget about it? i wanna forget about this. about ALL this.

see, i was right all along. i knew that by the time school starts everything will end. we'll start to drift away. i was right. how i wish it was summer once again. how i wish i could see you again and talk to you. argh. i hate the feeling of missing someone. i HATE it. i can't take this anymore.

i want it to be summer again. i hate the feeling of missing you.

i woke up at 530 then fell asleep again. i checked my phone. no text messages. took a bath. waited for my bus to arrive. got to school. chit chat. morning talk. LRC orientation. recess. SCBA orientation. end of class.

SCBA orientation was funny!! mimic danced for me!! (haha! oh yeah!) they even played accidentally in love. which is my song with maiqui! (oh yeah! my lover!) can i just say? GO BEAR!!!!! you strip really well! haha.. that didn't sound too good. but some of you doods get what i mean, right? HAHA! bear the most labo quote. (yack! taglish!)

Have a safe journey! --Bear Reyes

i went to the guidance office to talk to ms. maite. she's really nice. i asked her about the SAT's and nice colleges to go to and she was more than willing to help me out. yehey!

i can't wait tomorrow's mtb club selling rehearsals at my house!!! i miss my mtb family!!!! i can't wait to spend time with them!! hehe..

i went to rockwell today with my family. i saw a lot of people. the minute i entered rockwell, i heard a low voice go, "nicole!" i looked back and it was cesco. i smiled and waved at him. then while i was walking i see karel! haha.. didn't get to say hi though. oh well! my brother's yaya was star struck. haha...

i went around and saw some sophies. berns, sab (who they tried to dress like a girl), danica and some MTB people all together in hip. haha!

i also saw danda (who thought my name was amanda), kara aguas, gill and char in picture company. char works there. gill was applying. nice one! i'll be seeing you doods every time my brother goes there for his monthly pictorials.

speaking of my brother's pictorials, today he wore a soccer jersey. OH YEAH! proud ate. hehe... i chose that outfit!! it was a brazil jersey. oh yeah!! haha!! he looked so cute with it. wala lang.

walked around some more and i saw an old friend!! mikel, i've missed you, you dope!!! hang out again one time, just like before, ok?

got home. slept. and now i am here.

ok.. latest news on my mom. she's going to have quints. yes, that is FIVE kids. from being an only child to being 7. SHET. all i have to say is, please pray. PLEASE. we haven't heard a heart beat so there's a chance that those 5 sacs have no babies in it. please pray. my mom's really sad right now. she just wants ONE. please pray that atleast ONE has a kid in it. *sigh*

maybe i'm in love (love!)

i feel much much better than last night. haay.. i thought some things over and well, i feel better. haay.. i guess all i needed was a good sleep! yehey!

assholes will forever be assholes. how dare you say i don't know myself and that you know me more than i do. that's just CRAP you ASS. i admit that i don't know myself all that well, but you don't have the right to tell me that you know me more than i do. not once have we actually gone out together. NOT ONCE. how can you say that you know me WELL if we've only talked on the phone, texted and seen each other in get togethers every so often? PLEASE don't say that you know me, because i believe that you DON'T.

rawr!! i am officially a senior. oh wow! that's all i can say. i don't feel it, but i am. my gally gulay i'm getting old. HAAY...

i had a dream last night. it was weird. kinda funny if you think about it. so anyway, here we go. you know about my whole fairy tale thing right? ok, well, i dreamt that mr. past sent me a text message saying, "it looks like you're getting your fairy tale" (or something of that sort). and i replied with a thanks or something. and woke up. i find that to be oh SO weird!!! wala lang.

the first song i heard today was "Accidentally In Love" *sigh* then came "Shakin'" that song is getting over played! oh god, please no! hrm... i love rooney!! oh and can i just share that Princess Diaries II comes out on August 11 and Michael won't be there anymore!!!! ARGH!! big mistake man!!!

usual morning routine. when the gates open i went up to bear and gave her my surprise. haha!! diba bear? haha.. then went up to the classroom.

morning talk... then 1st period. we had economics. sir rodriguez is our teacher. i pity him. no one laughs. haha! our class is too quiet!! but he seems like a good teacher. i won't fall asleep, that's for sure!!! hehe... he gave us homework on the first day!!! my gash!! oh and he gave the acuba court joke. HAHA!

cams came late. it was SO funny! sir rodriguez made a joke about us already having a quiz and about our quiz on monday. cams didn't freak or anything though. then we kinda laughed. and he said, "i'm serious" and we all shut up. HAHA! and he was like, "gotcha!"

2nd period, physics!!! i love mrs. acuba!!! she's so cute. it's like a new mommy!!! i wanna call her mommy acubs or something!! hehe.. she's so fun!! and funny!! acubayan. HAHA! nice one!!! i won't fall asleep here either!! oh and she told us that ms. abi doesn't wanna let go of our index cards. AWW!!! ms. abi!!!!

our music teacher entered. people find him cute. his name's january. isn't tha cool? hahaha!!!! oh and he might be our club moderator for mtb!!! yehey!!

recess. roanna (co captain) and i went to the canteen. i saw mimic! OH YEAH!! she said hi to me. OH YEAH! haha.. roanna and i bought paddle pop twisters. OH MY! ahg sarap mehn!! right ro? haha!! it's so yummy. then we got brain freeze because it was math time and we had to finish our food.

3rd period, math!! i couldn't wait!! we got mr. torres. i wanna be math beadle!! HAHA! i love math! i can't wait for trig and algeb and all that!!! even if it means bearing with mr. torres!!!! rawr!!

4th period.. CLE!! with MRS. VILLAFANIA! oh my! i'm so glad we have her!!! she is such a GOOD teacher!!! i believe i will have a fruitful CLE this year. i just hope she gets better so that she remains to be our teacher. i love mrs. villafania. she's got so much INTEGRITY in her. (does that make sense?)

here we go.. 5th period... ENGLISH MEHN!!!! tag team mrs. eala and mrs. villalon (a.k.a. ms. ledesma)!!!!! my gash!! our class is so funny!!! we all shuttup. basta it was so obvious that we were scared of the terror teachers!!! but we are SO LUCKY to have them!!! i think i'm gonna have a great time in english this year!!! yehey!!! english is SO fun!!!! getting to know you was freaky, but i guess it was fun. i mean, you learn something. HEHE!!!

a person with no integrity is NOTHING. --mrs. eala

i went home. macki del rosario is my new bussmate. we were talking in the bus about.. haha!! oh my!!! i think it's gonna be a fun senior year in the bus!!! hehe... wala lang!!!!

i ate lunch. then sila jiza, hannah, bam and nona came for our jamming for club selling!! it was SO fun!! i hope people will like what we've prepared for. i can't wait, i swear!!!!! hehehe...

then i did my homework. i don't understand WHY i did my homework, i just did. probably out of boredom!! haha... i'm not yet done with physics though. i don't know where to research for it eh. hehe.. i'll be done with that over the weekend.

boogie passed by to get my ff7 that sj's borrowing. didn't talk much. he's got longer hair though. HAHA! oh and btw, you look like you just woke up kanina. HAHA!!

here i am chatting. oh i talked to celina kanina!! hehe.. i miss you dood!!!! everyone was yming kanina asking me if i was "in love". haha.. and that's all because of my ym status. HAHA! it says "accidentally in love". wala lang.

http://www.inq7.net/lif/2004/jun/16/lif_2-1.htm --> read the article.

quotes for the day:
--> "Can I have some quiet please?" --Sr. Maitel
--> "Everybody passes La Salle!" --Mrs. Pang
--> "Gawaing upuan" --Ms. Valero
--> "I want to feel you." --Mr. Rodriguez

I am loving my first few days as a senior. It keeps me distracted from namby pamby unimportant things. And at least I've got things to do now. I mean, I don't go out much and school's better than bumming around the house all day doing nothing.

accidentally in love!!!!

Today started out with a WEIRD dream. I won't get into details. Basta, I remember Mr. Past being there. I just saw him. This guy who I didn't know but have seen in Crissy's planner was also there. What's his name again Cric? Carlo is it? Basta yun. The two aysees, Cric and Tic were there too. And also Boogie and Mikko Santos. OH! And my Mom. ANG WEIRD mehn.

It was so weird because it was around 430-ish or 5-ish in the morning because I was getting ready for school but it was dark and all these people were in my house for some reason. And my uniform wasn't the typical AC uniform. It was the British uniforms. You know? The short skirt and long socks but then it was still the red AC plaid skirt. WEIRD!!

So anyway, (grabe walang details, haha!!) I remember my mom telling Boogie to keep quiet because he was so noisy that he was waking up the house. I also remember slapping Mikko's arm and telling him that I hated him for telling this dood something that he shouldn't have told. That's pretty much it. The rest of the people were just there standing. HAHA!

The alarm went on and I woke up thinking about the weird dream. I told Boogie that Mr. Past was in my dream AGAIN. And I told Mikko that he was in my dream. Dino thought of waking me up. For some reason, I felt that today was going to be a good day (and I was right!!)

Okay, anyway... So I went to school. Clar was absent today. She's in Singapore or something. Gates open and up the classroom I go. Kassie, we MUST have our morning chit chats again!! Hehe...

Morning Assembly. OH MY GALLY GULAY! How in the world will I be able to stand that heat all year?! Please Jess!! You have to do something about it. Argh! We were squashed like sardines trying to stay at the back of that pillar. We had to be there for atleast 45 minutes!!! My ass was hurting like hell!! That was also our LAST first morning assembly. It was the last time we will hear our principal welcome us to a new school year. *sigh*

Class time!! First period.. PE. Coach Niño came to our classroom, told us the requirements and our homework for next week and left. Argh! Can I just share that we're going to be having PE every Monday, 1st thing in the morning!! Is that not just so wrong??

Second period.. THE with Ms. Panganiban or Ms. Pamg for short. She seems fun. I mean, food service and management seems cool. And we won't be having sewing this year!!! OH YEAH!!! Thank you Lord!! I didn't listen to her discussion, so I don't really know what's going to happen this school year. Hehe...

Recess!! Roanna, Anaissa and I went down to the Canteen and bought drinks. Then we went up. Labo. HAHA!

Third period.. Filipino with Ms. Esqui and Ms. Velaro. Again I wasn't listening. They just talked and talked about Rizal and told us the requirements and stuff like that.

Next we had an activity with Mr. Rodriguez. It was kind of like a batch bonding kind of activity. It was fun I guess. I actually can't wait to have Sir Rodriguez teach us. He looks like a pretty good teacher.

My class has a new "Yezzuh" shout. HAHA! Nice one Bear!!
Eat together. Laugh together. Pass together. STAY together. --Year IV Section 1 SY 2004-2005

My Schedule for the School Year 2004-2005:
Mondays:
7:15 Morning Talk
7:40 Double period PE
9:20 Recess
9:40 Pinoy
10:30 Double period THE
12:10 Lunch
1:00 Trigo
1:50 Eco
2:40 Double period Physics Lab
4:20 Dismissal

Tuesdays:
7:15 Morning Talk
7:40 Trigo
8:30 Eco
9:20 Recess
9:40 Homeroom
10:30 Double period English
12:10 Lunch
1:00 Double period Physics
2:40 Dismissal

Wednesdays:
7:15 Morning Talk
7:40 English
8:30 CLE
9:20 Recess
9:40 Pinoy
10:30 Double period MAC
12:10 Lunch
1:00 Eco
1:50 Trigo
2:40 Physics
3:30 Dismissal

Thursdays:
7:15 Morning Talk
7:40 Double period Trigo
9:20 Recess
9:40 English
10:30 Eco
11:20 Pinoy
12:10 Lunch
1:00 Physics
1:50 Double period CLE
3:30 Dismissal

Fridays:
7:15 General Assembly
7:40 CLE
8:30 English
9:20 Recess
9:40 Physics
10:30 Eco
11:20 Pinoy
12:10 Lunch
1:00 Trigo
2:00 Clubs
4:00 Dismissal

There we have it!! My scedule for the year! Senior year is going to be a blast! Plus, we have a week break from graduation practice since Holy Week comes early next year!! Hehe... Here we go.

Reach out, Reach high.

today is the antioch weekend. i cannot believe that i am not there with my friends. haay... miguel, mercedes, tg (i'm not sure), enzo (OH MY GOD!!), bea p, sam... and everyone else! i really can't believe it. i want to join antioch already!!!! haaay.... i hope you guys are having fun!! i can't wait to join antioch.... i can't wait to go back to church!!!! i miss you guys oh so much!!!!!!! take care dopes!!!!! i love you all!!!

i hate it that i am sick and can't go anywhere near my brother. i slept for 10 and a half hours. last night i was conversing with a few people through sms and one of them was mint. he was telling me to sleep and to take care. *sigh* that's nice. thanks for the company all you doods last night. nikolas, boogie, brill (sorry for falling asleep by the way), aiza... i was so bored to death last night. i wanted to go on line but i couldn't. oh well.

today i'm going to be watching that thing in eastwood. i'm gonna be meeting up with sj (oh yeah, wo ai!). i told him to take me to jack's loft so i can find nemo. WAHAHAHAHA! yehey... i can't wait.

now i'm off to buy school supplies. rawr.

i am NOT in eastwood. i was not allowed at the last minute. WHY? because i'm sick. yes, i'm sick. this sucks. what am i to do? argh...

office warehouse is NOT the best place to buy school supplies. argh! kulang kulang sila mehn!!! ARGH. annoying.

well, i saw kara alfonso, mike oreta and katrina pacheco in rockwell kanina. then i saw benjamin and mic. awww... i miss you benjamin!!!! i gave him a hug! mic too! i got to meet up with them in kaya. argh.. i hate being sick. they got to carry my brother. *sniff*

i talked to dino today. i got to tell him some things. argh. honestly, i feel a certain bitterness to those people we talked about dino. it hurts that they did that. i don't know if i should be mad or what. argh. it different now. argh. that's all i'm gonna say now. argh.

i hate it. i hate it. i hate. argh. I HATE IT. i hate this. i can't believe i'm home while severo, rivermaya and BAMBOO are playing in eastwood for FREE. i can't believe i'm sitting here and typing. i can't believe what just happened with me and some certain people. argh.

i'm so happy that i saw my lover today. yes, i saw "mint" today. haha! oh yeah! we were even sitting beside each other in kaya. oh yeah maiqui!! haha!! love ya dood! i'm so glad we got to talk about what we got to talk about. haha.. ang labo.

see that? that's IMMORTALITY. take it. it's yours.

i've got a feeling that sir rodriguez will be a very inspiring teacher this year. i mean, all the quotes he's quoting are great. i can't wait to start class with him for some reason. i adore him (in a non crush-y way.)

could it be any harder? FADE AWAY...

you know what sucks? losing your friends. argh. it hurts and it sucks. okay, well, i'm not losing them. they're just drifting away. kinda like pushing me away. i don't know why. it makes me insecure. it makes me feel like they don't need me anymore. ARGH. i hate this. this is SO not funny.

hey, don't get me wrong here. i'm glad that they're there for me when i need them. but you know, friends aren't just there when you need help. i mean, they're there just to hang. just to talk. to make kwento and shit. but now, it's as if i'm losing them. ARGH.

hey pia, are you reading this? i miss you do. SUPER miss you. i want you back here. i'll do anything to have you back here. plus it's the antioch weekend. everyone's there execept for you and me. oh and maybe pdg. (that rhymes by the way!) well, that's it, i just miss you pia. i need to talk to you SOON. oh and, LAKERS LOST! WAHAHAHA! i love you dood, take care!!

argh argh argh.

Red sun dawn
Guns are drawn
Skull and bones
Beast of war
Father help me stop this
Rush of blood to the head
Look at you I see red
Start this game
I'll end it

By this hate that you help the world create
I've been sent
Now repent
I'm the war that comes to you
The plague that follows through

CHORUS
All by myself
I know that I stand here alone
All your lies they feed me
I'm stronger now
Stronger now than I was before
There's no way you can
Hurt me Move me Stop me

Talk too much mutherfucker hush
You had your chance to change things
Move in the direction of right
Choose to set the bar
But then you had to pick a fight
So what's daddy done for you lately?
Brought you the throne
Like stealing candy from a baby
Line your pockets in mucho dinero
Paid in full with the blood of the people

So now you got the fires rockin'
Blood and Hate
Then you got the people talking
Legacy
You will never be forgotten
Your place in history
A black mark in time
A black mark in time

Peace and flowers
Will kill the superpower
The fall of Rome is near
Can't you hear?
It's been written, it's been said
The revelations I had read
The signs are here
Those days are over
Walk away from the line
For now is the time

--> this song either is my song or my song. argh.

sorry mic, i really just gotta post this song!!!!! argh...

When you refuse me
You confuse me
What makes you think I'll let you in again
Think again my friend
Go on misuse me and abuse me
I'll come out stronger in the end

And does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
And does it make you mad
To find that I have grown
I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown

When you answer the door pick up the phone
You wont find me cause I'm not coming home

You do not know how much this hurts me
To say these things that I don't want to say
But have to say them anyway
I would do anything to end your suffering
But you would rather walk away

argh. number one, i hate being sick. it is just SO wrong to be getting pissed when you are sick. it's like you get twice as pissed as you should be. everything is just so wrong right now. people can be so dense sometimes. argh. everything's just so wrong and messed up.

i can't believe people can be that dense. i can't believe they can't see how hurt i am. i can't believe they don't realize that they've been pushing me away. why are they doing this? WHY? please someone tell me.

dear friends,
it hurts me to know that i don't know you anymore. it hurts me to see you not tell me things. you mean the world to me and as much as possible i try to tell you everything. i hope you know that i will always be here when you need me. and when you're ready to talk, i'm here. take care. i love you doods.

love always,
nicole

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goobye
Please don't try so hard to say goobye

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Try so hard to say goobye

--> at one point i believe this song was written for me. rawr...

last night was such a good night! orange pm-ed me. i don't know. i just felt really happy. at the same time sick and pissed. ang labo mo nicole. basta yun, he pm-ed me. and added me to his ym even! OH YEAH! *score!*

today i wasn't texting with orange. *score yet again* i predicted that day would be a good day.. NOT. argh... so SO frustrating day.

i was so hyper in the morning. for some reason i was happy. some reason i don't know. i was all jumpy during pe too!! hehe.. weird. very weird. pinoy was erm, boring. haha.. stupid film. i've watched that about FIVE times. deym! THE.. i didn't really listen. ms. pang told us the whole love story of his son though. i find it sweet what he did for the girl. awww.. wala lang. oh and what else did ms pang say? hmm.. OH! beali feels kinda down cause her friends don't text her much na. i love you still beali! you are never forgotten! lunch. trigo. stupid test.

eco. here we go. what realization did i get from sir rodriguez today? well, i know i've learned this in junior year, but it's only now that it really hit me. society today is complicated because people do not take time to get to know the other people. they never step into their shoes. i will definitely have a good year with sir rodriguez this year. with all my realizations in his class. poor guy, only crissy and i laugh at his jokes.

physics lab. ms bascug is so damn weird. she was staring at tanya for a while (which by the way tic didn't notice) and tanya wasn't doing anything! ang labo. i am now scared of her. RAWR. to get me even more scared, she told me that there is a spirit in the physics lab. GEE THANKS YOU DOPE.

i got home and heard the BAD news. they couldn't find a heartbeat so it's GOODBYE BABIES. no more basketball team with substitues. no more quints. i wanted to cry. i had pasalubong for my mom pa naman. and i can't visit her in the hospital since well, i'm sick. you don't visit a person when you're sick, right? please pray for my mom. i know how bad she feels. all she wanted was ONE baby and she got 5.. after a while no more 5. *sniff* i feel for her.

i love my class SO much. thanks you doods for all your words of comfort. 4-1 still rocks my socks!!! grabe, i can't believe that we're graduating already. argh!! i will MISS you dopes. "eat together. laugh together. pass together. STAY together." - Year IV Section 1 2005 special call outs: yumi, pau, jiza, tanya, polly.. thanks doods!!

more special call outs: (i have no idea what call outs mean) benjamin, nikolas and of course, dino.

let's see.. what else have i realized? hmmm... oh oh i know! i don't know why i realized this, but i just did."i would do anything to end your suffering, but you would rather WALK AWAY." i am hurt once again. yes, i know i have no right to say that. i try to help you, i am open. you can trust me. but it looks like you don't and it hurts, so OH WELL. if that's the case, then just remember that i will always be here for you no matter what. if you don't want me to help you with whatever it is that is wrong, then fine. i'll let you do that. i mean, who am i to force you to open up to me? i hope you're better. if you need me, i'm here. looks like you don't need me the way i need you. it seems as if i am more open to you than you are to me. some times i feel so pathetic already. i mean, why do i even bother to run to you when i have something bothering me? i mean, it's not as if you ALWAYS help me. don't get me wrong ok? but there are times when i feel even worse than i did before i started asking for your help. why? because it's as if you don't care. argh. i'm here if you need me. as always. but for now, it's goodbye. (*this is not the same person as the one i wrote to the other day..)

somehow i feel that i am losing my friends little by little. argh.. this is SO not right. argh.. nicole, you are such a dope, you dope. ARGH! i hate this. i hate this. i hate this.

i completely forgot to write my "quotes" of the day...

"I need to feel you. I can't feel you." --mr. rodriguez
--> bastos ampu.

"Magiiwan ako ng isang lights na open." --ms. velario
--> filipino teacher. taglish. wrong grammar pa.

"Those are only hormones getting excited for a relationship." --ms. pang
--> hormones ampu. sounds SO bad.

"Ginjie, why don't you move there so I won't step on you?" --sir rodri
--> dope! you don't step on her! you just ask her to move every once in a while.

quotes for the day:
"Your game is like your girl. Busted"
--> that was in Coach Niño's shirt yesterday. well, something of that sort.

"Wala akong future sa comedy"
--> poor sir rodri, no one was laughing at his jokes once again!

*looks at the blackboard that says: Ateneo applications* "Why bother applying?" *points at blackboard*
--> sir rodriguez. WAPAK!

"I can't feel the others"
--> yes, sir rodri once again. bastos ampu.

"Accept how people react to you."
--> sir rodriguez. so true.

"There are so many things I don't know about myself"
--> Jiza. again, so true. KUDOS jiza.

"Our roads in the Philippines are not perfect. There are potholes and God knows what."
--> Mrs. Villalon. HAHA! nice one!

"We have an excellent God, therefore your littlest work must be done excellently."
--> Mrs. Villalon. nice motivating words to do your best!

"There were two prisoners looking out from the jailhouse. One was looking down at the mud and the other was looking up at the stars. What do you want to look at? the mud? or stars?"
--> Mrs. Eala! mehn i love her class!!!

"When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade!!"
--> quoted by mrs. eala

"Shit happens."
--> mrs. eala. do you think she's been reading your blogs pdg? hehe...

http://www.inq7.net/met/2004/jun/22/met_1-1.htm --> please read this article about bombings in Metro Manila. one bomb was found in a litter bin at the San Antonio Parish (which is my parish). Thank God no one was hurt!

Ok, here we go. I woke up, took a bath. blah blah blah. I waited up for my Nono to get home last night to make sure that he was okay. he came from the hospital to visit my mom. then i went to bed after checking up on my brother at around 10:00 PM.

the bus arrives and i go to school. i had a number of people giving me hugs and words of comfort. the most surprising was from my best friend, mica. i wasn't sure if she had her phone so i wasn't able to tell her last night about what happened to the babies. she gave me a letter. aww.. i love you mica!!!

first period.. trigo. argh. how will i live without you teaching me math sir angeles!!! i super uper need you!!! i cannot stand sir torres!! i cannot HEAR him!!! argh!! well, we watched school ties. argh. stupid movie.

second period.. ECONOMICS!!! oh yeah!! sir rodriguez knows my name now. well, at least i'm hoping he does!! he told me to close the divider door. haha! and i recited twice!!

what i realized from sir rodri's class today? well, first is that acceptance is gained when you first understand the nature of a person. take what jiza said for example. it's up there with the quotes of the day. you learn to accept yourself once you understand yourself. and that goes for others as well. you should accept how they react to you.

third period.. homeroom. well, i won't put what we talked about here because she might see that we've been talking about her in class. hehe... basta yun. ms. maite has such a funny laugh!!! wala lang. freaky lang by the way, she knows that some of us have live journals. i will NEVER diss a teacher here again. or well.. hmm.. hehe!!

fourth period.. ETO NA! double period English mehn! it was so fun!! i mean, even if we didn't have any lesson i had fun knowing about our teachers. they make english so fun and exciting!!! i SO love english!! and i'm excited to read all those things we're taking up. well, minus media ed. i do not want media ed. argh!! and i do not look forward to the research paper.

5th period. double period physics. MAIQUI I LOVE YOU!!!! haha.. we got about 60% of what we were to answer. it was some how well do you know your friend thing. i didn't get much. HAHA! maiqui is officially my physics partner for SY 2004-2005. oh yeah!! hehe...

today, someone greeted me. it was SO funny!! HAHA! she goes, "can i hug you na cause i can't tomorrow?" and i was like, what's tomorrow? haha! she said it's the 23rd and it's my birthday until she realized that my birthday is in july! HAHA! nice one dope!

hmm.. i got home. parents still not home. they'll be back by saturday. well, hopefully. ok, here we go. this is the sad part of my day. i am worried about my mom. rawr. i only found out now from my ninang. and it's not as accurate as what she told me. here is the story:

last night, they had to take out the 5 sacs right? ok, well, after the operation my mom was SO hungry since she hasn't eaten anything all day. so she went and ate her yucky hospital food.

at around 12 md her tummy hurt and the doctor told them to get an xray. no offense to the people of st. luke's or anything, but thanks for the help dopes. my dad had to bring my mom from the hospital room to the xray room with NO assistance whatsoever. he had to carry my mom to that xray table. and you call yourselves medical SERVICES. psshh..

well, anyway, my mom, lying on the table suddenly sat up and hugged my dad. telling him that she might pass out any time soon. her stomach hurt LIKE HELL. then she passed out.

they finished the xray and the doctor came. my dad called up my ninang as my mom ordered. my mom would wake up every once in a while and pass out again you see. so she remained unconcious while everyone in my house except for ME and my brother was asleep. i couldn't believe they didn't wake me up. i mean, sure i wouldn't've be able to come but atleast text me or something. argh.

so anyway.. to make the long story short. everyone was there until 330 am. my lola (my nono's sister) who is a doctor, my uncle, my ninang and her husband, my dad and my nono. oh and let's not forget ever so faithful kuya jun (our driver).

they operated on my mom for about 2 hours. they had to take out her insides. yes, her pancreas and intestines and all those. to see if there was anything wrong with the other parts of the uterus. good thing, WALA.

anyway, what happened to my mom was that there was a small hole the in my mom's uterus. the size of a mongo as my ninang put it. blood went into the uterus as seen that there was a white blub in my mom's xray. they had to cut her open and take it out. as of the moment, my mom cannot speak. but she can text. i haven't had the guts to text her yet, but i worry. please pray for her quick recovery.

the doctor said that my mom can still again be pregnant in about 3 to 6 months. at this moment, my mom is once again in a state of depression having lost the quintuplets or whatever you call 5 identical babies born out of the same uterus on the same day. please, please, i once again ask for your prayers.

when you refuse me, you confuse me

this is once again about my friend who i feel does not need me. no i feel like you don't care. WHY? as a friend who said that you'd be there for me always, i expected that you'd tell me something like, "it'll be alright nic" or something, but i recieved nothing. i didn't even hear from you all day. sure, i know you have your own problems and that there are things bothering you too, but i expected and HOPED that you would show some care like you always do. so i guess this is it huh? you're just going to push me away like this. ok, if it's for the better, i accept it. it hurts, but if you want it to be like this, then fine be it. i am still here IF you need me, which i repeat, you don't.

In a very unusual way one time I needed you.
In a very unusual way you were my friend.
Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.
But, somehow it will never end.

In a very unusual way I think I'm in love with you.
In a very unusual way I want to cry.
Something inside me goes weak,
Something inside me surrenders.
And you're the reason why,
You're the reason why

You don't know what you do to me,
You don't have a clue.
You can't tell what its like to be me looking at you.
It scares me so, that I can hardly speak.

In a very unusual way, I owe what I am to you.
Though at times it appears I won't stay, I never go.
Special to me in my life,
Since the first day that I met you.
How could I ever forget you,
Once you had touched my soul?
In a very unusual way,You've made me whole.

Quotes of the Day:

From CLE class, we listened to a song which has touched me in such a way that I don't know. Here are some lines from the song:
"Be still and know that I'm GOD"
"Do not be afraid, I am with you"
"Come, follow me, I will bring you home"
" I will call your name, embracing all your pain..."
--> that is the last song that we heard from the song which super struck me. something about that line told me that God is with me. He knows me for who I am and for who I may be. To Him, I am and individual. He loves me. He is with me, helping me through my pain and hurt, especially at this time now.

"I will cry with you."
--> i started crying and this is what Mrs. Villafania said.

"Strike all the time for integrity."
--> Mrs. Villafania

"Masguapo si Christian Bautista kaysa kay Erik Santos... Don't get me wrong, I'm not queer. I'm straight."
--> Sir Jan, are you really not queer? According to him, he knows what's guapo and what's not.

"He's really matalino talaga"
--> OH MY.

Not much quotes today I guess. Our teachers are starting to be serious. I don't even have a realization from Sir Rodri today. Here we go...

last night, i hit my pinky toe in National bookstore. i got home and it bled. PROFUSELY. it was so wrong. and with my sore throat i couldn't shout. i was screeching while they put betadine. ARGH. i went to school and with no legal guardian at home, i didn't have an excuse letter for my slippers. ARGH. esqui made me wear my shoes. i repeat, ARGH. my pinky toe is in a state of dying. CPR! CPR!

First period English. we had an activity where we were to pantomime an assigned god or goddess which we are not finished with yet. my group got Hera. Bear was Zeus and she "raped" Amanda who was playing Hera. nice one! hahaha!! we didn't see mrs. eala today. it was only mrs. villalon teaching us. i cannot wait to do my passport. (god, the sounds so bad!)

Nike by the way is the goddess of Victory, hence your shoes and shit like that. AHHHH!!! haha.. our class gave that same reaction!

Second period, CLE class. ETO NA! i love mrs. villafania oh so much!!!! and of course, I LOVE MY STARS!!! thank you all for being SO supportive and for your letters and notes and hugs in class today. special call outs: crissy, maiqui, casey, tic, bear!!!

The song just really struck me. i learned that God is FOREVER with me. i FOREVER belong to God. like i always say, He's the man! His silence never means His abscence. When you're down and thinking, reflecting on life, He is with you reflecting. And what Mrs. Villafania said when I started crying in class? "I will cry with you" It sounds cheesy but, it's as if God was saying it to me. I am totally looking forward to a good CLE class ahead.

i spent recess with mica my bestest friend! i miss her so so much!! i only found out today that our refresher courses in ahead are in ateneo katipunan. ARGH. and we have to bring our own lunch. argh. can't we go to mcdonalds or something?!

3rd period was pinoy. boring boring boring. we just watched the rizal film. argh. it is SO damn boring i swear. why oh why do we have to watch that? 4th period, Music with Sir January. we watched Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.

Lunch was jamming time with some of my classmates. they were laughing at me. well, i'm sorry if i lost my voice! dopes. i still have the talent. HAHA!

5th period. i have no realization from sir rodri today. he said my name twice. OH YEAH! we talked about economics and its branches and shit like that. pretty boring. he took up about 5 or 10 minutes of trigo and we have a quiz tomorrow. he likes calling it an acquiantace party. whatta weirdo.

trigo took up all of physics. we finshed watching school ties. oh yey. how funny. dope!

man, what a boring and long day. roanna and bear were funny doing the class handshake. haha! it's yumi's fault. she gave the class lollipops and they got sugar rushed. HAHA!

Look at me,
And tell me who I am.
Why I am
What I am.
Call me a fool,
And it's true I am.
I don't know
Who I am.
It's such a shame,
I'm such a shame.
No one knows
Who I am.
Am I the face of the future?
Am I the face of the past?
Am I the one who must finish last?
Look at me,
And tell me who I am,
Why I am
What I am.
Will I survive?
Who will give a damn,
If no one knows
Who I am?
Nobody knows -
Not even you -
No one knows who I am...

i don't think i'd bother writing about how forgotten i feel. i know you have your own problems. i hope you fix them soon. i'm hoping to see you soon and maybe wave and say hi at the most. i hope you're doing fine. i'm sorry that i lied to you last night. no i am not ok. i fear i'm losing you. i fear you've forgotten me.

<@fumoon> pinky toe is bleeding pfofusely!!!
<@fumoon> i said: "CPR! CPR!!"
<@fumoon> then the doc said: "and 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.."
<@fumoon> *bleep...*
<@fumoon> no good!
<@fumoon> and 1..2..3..4..
<@fumoon> *bleep...*
<@fumoon> no good
<@fumoon> i'm sorry ma'am, we did all the best we could
<@fumoon> *sobs* pinky toe!! no!! you cannot leave me!! i need you!!

it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. i hope you had the time of your life pinky toe...

YOU ARE MINE

I will come to you in silence, I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice
Be still and know I am here

I am hope for all who are hopeless, I am eyes for all who long to see
In the shadows of the night, I will be your light
Come and rest in me

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow me, I will bring you home
I love you and you are Mine

I am strength for all the despairing, healing for the ones who dwell in shame
All the blind will see, the lame will run free and will know My Name

I am the Word that leads all to freedom, I am the peace the world cannot give
I will call your name, embracing all your pain
Stand up now, walk and live!

"Quotes" of the Day: (not much quotes today. oh well.)

"Uy, I complained about the sunlight ha!"
--> Luday our YLP. nice one!!

"Once something is done, it's done. You can cry about it, laugh about it. The point is, it's done and there's nothing else you can do."
--> Mr. Rodriguez

"Standing up during the gospel shows that you are ready and willing to do what the Gospel is telling you to do"
--> I learned that from Mrs. Villafania today

"Solo Dios Basta"
--> meaning "Only God is enough" by St. Therese of the Carmelites

"The first right of God is to be BELIEVED when He speaks"
--> Blessed Marie Eugenie

"Only God can give you faith, if you ask for it."
--> Mrs. Villafania

"I have my own panty"
--> haha! don't worry, i won't say who you are.

today i woke up pretty early. i took a bath and went on line. only 2 people were on. david khan, bek and jenny panlilio. david sent me a ym asking me what i was doing up. i sent bek and jenny a ym what they were doing up. i didn't know that i was chatting with jenny and that it was her birthday. *turns red* i'm sorry jenny. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

when i got to school, the gates were open already so i went straight up to the classroom. saw the guitar and started playing. i learned how to play "This Love" today. thanks san!! oh and we were joking around and were able to make a punk acoustic like version of Noypi. haha. it's hilarious.

First period.. Double period Trigo. SIR KIKO, PLEASE HAVE MERCY I NEED YOU BACK!!! no offense, sir torres is going to give me my line of 7 in math. i am going to DIE. i CANNOT afford that. i just CAN'T. he doesn't teach us or anything and the stomping of his foot every 5 minutes. it is annoying.

Second period.. English with Mrs. Villalon. we finished up the 12 Olympians and now we're going to be taking Midas. i haven't read that but i will in a while. word of the day: INTEGRITY.

Third period.. Eco. OH YEAH! Mia told Sir Rodri that I want to be the assistant beadle and he said we'll see cause it's weird to be the assistant teacher's assistant. haha. but hey, OH YEAH! the quiz was ok. sir rodri apologized to us for insulting our intelligence because of the easy quiz he made. hmmm...

Fourth period.. Pinoy. i was practically falling asleep on the movie. it is so damn boring. argh. why couldn't we have just watched Bayaning Third World instead. i mean it's nicer and funnier. Jose Rizal is just too serious. argh.

Fifth period.. Physics. we had some reporting. grabe, i haven't learned anything in Physics this whole week. hopefully i'll learn something tomorrow. HOPEFULLY.

Sixth period.. double period CLE. we had the longest prayer of my life which took up about one period. i don't get CLE now. i mean, yes i love class but i don't know what are the lessons and what are not. it's weird. it's like we're always having a prayer. for second period, we practiced songs for the mass of the Holy Spirit tomorrow. ack gala!

so many realizations in that class. what mia said was so totally true. i've completely forgotten what line but i remember what you said. what is the use of all this panicking to choose a course that you WANT? why not think of what course GOD WANTS you to take to be of better service to His other creations? think about it, it's true.

another thing that i thought of was the talk that Mike and i gave for the 33rd weekend. we were thinking of God and how we would present Him to the candidates and the best example we got was our own father. someone wise and patient and all that. wala lang, i just remembered all of a sudden.

nothing much happened today i guess. i keep forgetting to give Ms. Baylon my recommendation letter. i don't know who i'm giving the other one to. i need sir angeles. argh!!

ugh. what's the use? you don't need me the way i need you. you'll NEVER see me the way i want you to. what's the use of holding on to an unrequited feeling? what's the use of loving and not being loved in return? that just gave me an idea for a song.. HMMM..

something inside of me is telling me that you know. you know of my feelings. how can you not? it's pretty obvious, isn't it?

i live in a fairy tale with you as my prince. will i be in this fairy tale forever? or will you help me make this dream a reality?

how many times have i told myself that it's ok if you don't feel the same? how many times have i told myself, dood never lose hope!? how many times have i spent hours and hours just thinking of what to write about you? how many times have i wrote about you???!!?? how many times do i get overly excited at the thought of seeing you? why can i not get over you?

what is it with you that makes it so hard to get over? i'm scared. i know what i'm getting myself into and it frightens me. i've be hurt more than once and i don't want to be hurt again. nothing is happening between us, though a few people either think there's something going on or something WILL go on. i don't want to be hurt. i don't want to see you hurt. i don't want to see you with someone else. i don't want to tell you that i'm over you. not that you know that i have feelings for you.
i miss you. i miss last summer. i miss having to spend time with you. i miss conversing with you through text messages, chat or the phone. if you think there's no difference, think again. a day without just a hi from you makes it seem so empty. i am never complete without that. i am not complete without you. really. seriously.

i hate thinking about you. it gets me distracted. when i'm in school i can't concentrate. i try my very best to but at one point something will all of a sudden remind me of you. why is that? what's wrong with me?

how many times have i been ask if i was sure if this was love i was feeling? how many times have i answered them with a smile? i never could explain why i know and i'm sure of my feeling. i just know it. i am sure. but i am a victim of a foolish heart. i am a fool.

i cannot take this. my emotions are driving me insane. i cannot take this. i miss you. i am falling in love with you. i need you. i want you. i cannot take this.

i am losing all control. my mind. my heart. my body. and my soul... never in my life have i been more sure... nobody's made me feel this way before, you're everything i wanted and more.. for all i know you only see me as a friend. i try to tell myself wake up fool, this fairy tale's got to end...

who is the fool? am i the fool for falling so deeply? am i the fool for not stopping my emotions, not keeping myself from falling when in fact i knew all along that NOTHING will ever happen? or are you the fool? are you the fool for not seeing me? are you the fool for not knowing what i feel for you?

it's not like what i write here ever makes a diffrenece. all this namby pamby shit is going to drive me insane soon.

help me make this dream a reality.

Quotes of the Day:

"The challenge for 4th year is ACTION. Just do it."
--> Mr. Rodriguez

"I got SOME laughs. That's good."
--> Mr. Rodriguez. The SOME there are me and Crissy. HAHA!

"If I can't use this in my life, then why study it?"
--> Mr. Rodriguez

Funny little stories of the Day: (why does our class only "make hirit" during Sir Rodri's class?)

--> "Please anyone, get them now." Sor Rodriguez said after the prayer. Stockings, lying on the floor. Cate is now immortal in Sir Rodriguez's eyes. You have left your mark.

--> While Sir Rodri was explaining the intentions of a guy on courtship, he was telling us that a corny and/or cheesy guy is true. "Totoo siya, kung corny siya". But if he's cool with it, he's a PLAYER. So anyway.. then Vea goes.. "So, sir, totoo ka?" Obviously Vea, you were NOT listening. DOPE.

--> I like this little story best. Sir Rodriguez was observing the new U seating arrangement formation and said, "I like this, feeling ko model ako." Bear, I don't know what spirit possessed you at that moment that you said, "Sir, feeling mo lang." HAHA! This was a HISTORICAL moment.

Mass. Can I just share that Sir Jan is a mix of a guy i liked and Mr. Past? He is absolutely adorable!! And so multi talented!! Mr. Gay Math teacher was singing. AWFUL! He said lift as leeft. AWFUL! And he had this star complex.

We had Parangal Para Sa Assumptionista today. Talk about! Mara Banson and Meg Panopio should've just stayed on stage. Kudos Hannah, you totally deserved your awards.

Physics. Deym. I still haven't learned anything from Mommy Acuba. Oh can I just share my "suck up to Acuba moment"? I asked her if I could call her Mommy and we had a little chit chat. So now, I call her Mommy Acuba. Hehe.. Ain't that cool? Wala lang, I just wanted to share.

Economics. Well, I didn't learn much today. We didn't really discuss much. He explained to us Headline reporting and the homework. So that's pretty much it. I'll be doing my homework tomorrow. I want to write my headline already so that by the time it's my turn, I don't have to procrastinate or anthing. Oh, he also told us about the "Moral of the Lesson". I'm going first on Monday. Oh yeah!

Pinoy. We're finally on the last 20 minutes of Jose Rizal. Deym. Oh joy. I swear I cannot take it anymore. I cannot live with a boring teacher. Argh. I should really start reading El Fili soon. Rawr.

Lunch time. Sir Jan is SO totally multi talented and adorable! We had practice for club selling in the Music room with Sir Jan. Argh. I am SO totally in love with his talent. He can play the violin, piano, guitar, bass, k-jon.. My gally!! I cannot wait for MTB this year! He is going to be out moderator! He's kinda scary though. But there are so many things that I will learn from him, that's for sure!

Trigo. I won't even bother elaborating on what went on in this class. It's not like I listen in class. All I hear here is Mr. Torres stomping his foot which annoys me to death. Ugh.

Club selling time!!! Sir Jan!!! Rawr. MTB did a pretty good performance. Sir Jan tried teaching me the bass for Swimming Sa Beach on the last minute but I couldn't get it. Deym. Oh well, Sir Jan pa rin!

Pasia and I were pretty amazed on the Taekwando selling. The people there were practically flying!! My gash! And it was like a real life Tekken. HAHA! It was really galing!!

Dance was good. GO TANYA!! We were saying that you looked like a erm, nerdy ditz in your costume. Haha.. Oh can I just share? I love the way Bern dances!! Haha! And i'm so proud of Colleen my relation!! Good show!

Maica and I held the banner for Hyped/Hardcourt. Oh yeah! Anything to help Mimic!! *wink wink* Good thing you didn't fall my heart!! Hehe... They had a good performance. Pasia and Mikee were HILARIOUS!

That's about it. My mom's home. Yehey!!!! :D

lesbiyana ako. HAHA! maiqui is my ever so dearest lover! i didn't get to see her today. i wasn't able to go to the scav hunt. why? i completely forgot. besides, i wanted to stay home with my mom. i had to take care of her. rawr..

you're somebody that i found just in time!!

i find my dad to be so sweet. last night he got only about 30 minutes to 1 hour of sleep because of my mom and my brother. my mom's tummy still hurts every 10 minutes or so. she can't eat much and so my dad has to take care of her. on the other hand, my brother is sick. he can't breath lying down cause all the mucus stuck in his nose. my dad took care of them BOTH.

*sigh* i want a guy like that. someone who loves me so much that he'll take care of me and never leave my side. he'll make sure that i'm ok and comfortable. he'll make sure that i'm safe and unharmed. in other words, he'll be my prince.

i'm still in a state of namby pambiness. thinking about immortality. "take it. it's yours." thinking about what legacy i will leave the world. what if i leave a mark that's mortal? ugh. i hate thinking.

haha.. he knows who he is. haha.. hrm hrm hrm.. it's not as if anything's gonna change. rawr.. not that i care anymore. i've totally accepted that nothing's going to happen. but i like writing about unrequited love. venting out what i think about it and all that. i don't care if you'll never see me as more than a friend anymore. i just don't care. that's it.

boring day today. got senti at one point. well, still senti. HAHA! here we go..

we both know that the worst part about it is i will be here when you wanted me. IF you wanted me..

you can never be too happy in this life.. --Four Philosophers also known as the Eraserheads

What do I miss about Junior Year?

#1 i'll spell it out for you.. P-I-A. It's so not the same without her. I miss her. I miss getting to talk to her everyday and spending time with her. I miss her phone calls telling me to get to her house and pick her up already. I miss going to the phone booth with a kabundle of coins, half of which the pay phone won't accept for some reason then all of a sudden there's a bee around the coin slot and you can't get your coins in. *sigh* *sniff*

#2 the isolated classroom near the computer room and consulation room. there, no one tells us to shut up. we can make all the noise and only the sophomores will hear us. we can turn our classroom to a little disco and no one would care. not even mama b. it's also been said that that classroom's haunted and there's a spirit walking around which ms. sinsay senses every now and then.

#3 "Hangin' Out" out fair booth. I miss it because I wasn't there. i really felt bad that i missed out on something big my class went through. haay...

#4 hearing mama B say jurrasic babies every pinoy period after lunch when we're all so hyper and noisy. RAWR!!!!

#5 My address. Yes i miss seeing my address on that blackboard. it was forever written there. always there for practices and for the amos night. haay...

#6 i miss sitting beside polly and being suspected of cheating. or at least feeling like we're being suspected of cheating.

#7 i actually miss graded recitation everyday. i learned more than just world history from ms villaruz. i had realizations, a lot of them. i gained self confidence in that class. i miss my history study group with mayumi and pau. watching them argue about the littlest of things.

#8 Father Denis!!! i miss the retreat. it was one of the most serious retreats i've ever been to. i was pia's roommate!!! awww... being given our cross necklaces, crying our hearts our, wearing the AC pajamas with Math Buddy Roanna, the food, getting pissed off at what's her name, singing I Can...

#9 being called Scribes by Ms. Villafania. being told to put our pens down and listen. i miss ms. v, not that i have anything against my english teachers, they're GREAT. sana pwede tag team silang tatlo. now that would be HEAVEN.

#10 the sudden silence then hearing someone's voice and laughing because we all of a sudden shut up. the weirdness of my class... we don't have those anymore, do we?

#11 the useless scroise-o-meter. nothing really happened to that. oh well..

#12 sir eric. his piyok voice, "nagbibinata", his God fearing quialities and his gel. i miss sir eric...

#13 sir angeles. i miss our monday sharings and people making their stories long just so we'd miss about half of math time. being able to vent out everything or raving about something. i miss actually learning something in math time and getting perfect in all the drills. i miss my math buddy. i miss sir angeles singing Knocks Me Off My Feet and Someday We'll Know...

section one rocks my medyas!

lift yer head
baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong
along the way
you'll get by with a smile
u can't win at everything but u can try
and baby u don't have to worry
coz there ain't no need to hurry
no one ever said that there's no easy way
and when they're closing all their doors
and they don't want u anymore
this sounds funny but i'll say it anyway
girl i'll stay
through the bad times
even if i have to fetch u everyday
i'll get by if u smile
u can never be too happy in this life
coz in a world where everybody hates
a happy ending story
it's a wonder love can make the world go round
but don't let it bring u down
and turn ur face into a frown
u'll get along with a little prayer and a song
lift yer head
baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along the way
we'll get by with a smile
now it's time to kiss away
those tears goodbye

10 songs in your playlist -
1. Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows
2. Sa Iyo - Sarah Geronimo
3. With A Smile - Eraserheads
4. Hurricane - Something Corporate
5. Swing Swing - Not Applicable (naxx!!)
6. Balisong - Rivermaya
7. A Little Bit - MYMP
8. Soco Ameretto Lime - Brand New (or something like that)
9. Prozac (Be Like Me) - Freebish (or something of that sort)
10. Hanging by a Moment - Lifehouse

9 things you can see -
1. calculator
2. computer screen
3. dictionary
4. remote
5. phone
6. camera
7. watch
8. alcohol
10. speakers

8 things you did today -
1. go to National Bookstore
2. Eat lunch with my family
3. stare at the computer screen
4. think of what to write for my essay
5. contemplate on the many mysteries of life
6. get mushy and cheesy
7. tell sj what i've learned form assumption education and to kill a mockingbird
8. teach my brother how to walk

7 movies you could watch endlessly -
1. Fellowship of the Ring
2. Two Towers
3. Return of the King
4. Matrix Reload
5. Princess Diaries
6. 10 Things I Hate About You
7. How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days

6 TV shows you could make a marathon out of -
1. Friends
2. Will and Grace
3. Lizzie McGuire
4. Saved By The Bell
5. 7th Heaven
6. Sarah the Teen Princess

5 foods you can live on til the end of eternity -
1. McDonalds
2. Bubba Gump Mud Pie
3. Reese's
4. Chicken
5. Mango

4 people you can tell everything to -
1. Ysa
2. Jiza
3. Sha *wink wink*
4. SJ *wink wink*

3 things you can't live without -
1. my phone
2. the computer
3. food and drink

2 people you can't live without -
(let me cheat on this one)
1. my family
2. my friends especially the aysees

1 person you'll give up your life for -
1. God

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

another gruelling (tama ba?) monday has bestowed upon me!!!!! haay... i am beginning to dislike mondays. i mean, sure, we have 3 double perios non academic subjects and in a few months i won't have to take PE, but it's HELL to have physics lab i tell you. (no offense ysa!)

here we go... i wake up. dino woke me up. i stood up, turned on the shower and guess what, NO WATER. nice. i was finally able to take a bath, got to school, changed for PE and had morning talk.

got notes from Andie, whom I haven't seen for the longest time. i think we owe each other SO much kwento already. thanks again for the notes!!!

first period.. Physical Education... seeing casey cry because she is fatter than a guy teacher gives me mixed feelings. it annoys me that she's overreacting, it makes me laugh because it's damn stupid of her to think that and at the same time it scares me. dope.

anyway.. while the rest of the class were doing their crunches and push ups, bear and i jogged 5 times around the courtyard. i was VERY tired as to i haven't ran for such a LONG time. well, PE was pretty fun. i hope it's like that always.

second period.. pinoy. we finished the film Jose Rizal. finally! rizal died. i think bonifacio's gay. seriously. haha... dope! it's very interesting actually. i love learning about our filipino heroes. not that i haven't watched that film yet.

third period.. home economics. hrm.. ginjie's mom gave a talk and can i just share that at one point of the talk i couldn't help but feel red and i just sank into my seat not believing she just said that. well, of course she didn't know anyway. ugh. i think some of you know what i mean. total ugh.

anyway.. FREE FOOD!! haha.. we were served carbonara, some chocolate thing and chicken. casey had some take home brownies *embarassed* weirdo casey!!! but the food was SO damn good!

lunch time.. since we were all so full from THE class it was time to something else. (haha! labo) yumi, pau and i went down to sign up for slc. so many people qualified!!! i hope i'm accepted. rawr..

fourth period.. TRIGO. it is officially my HATEST subject. and it's not because i don't get the lesson, i do. and i love the lesson. i hate the subject because of the TEACHER. ugh.

fifth period.. ECONOMICS!!! so many realizations again. sir rodriguez asked us to draw a time line in 15 minutes. under time pressure. dun dun dun... it was pretty hard but i pretty much was able to connect everything from freshman year to the present. haay.. i lost and gained friends, had my downfalls and of course my good times. (labo nanaman.) haay...

i was in charge of moral of the lesson today and i said something about the stars and being positive. i can't wait to do moral of the lesson again!! too bad we ran out of time. DARN!!! and i think sor rodriguez knows my name now. well, i hope he does. haha!

sixth period.. physics lab. not exactly my favorite subject. i am OFFICIALLY stuck with casey til the end of the year minus the investigatory project. (yey!) i cannot take it!! i couldn't even leave the lab table cause she was pulling me to stay there. i had no place to write dope!! you were hogging the whole table!!

after the national anthem i went srtaight to the guidance office because according to my busmates i needed "giudance". well i did.. i'm taking the SAT's i needed lotsa help. i SO love ms maite. she is SO much helpful!!

got home.. went to national. bumped into noelle hilario and wasn't able to ask her "noelle, gusto mo ng chickn fillet?" oh well! next time i see her, i will! i also say ms honey with uhm, her uhm.. yeah.. her UHM... MY GALLY. i didn't wanna say hi. i think she saw me and was about to say hi but i turned away. HAHA!

now i'm here. doing homework. sleepy. i'm gonna be talking to brill in a while. can't wait to tell him about my day. that's it.

Quotes and stories of the Day (yesterday):

"GOSH!"
--> coach niño.. i've got a feeling that he's gay.

"it's so slippery here eh!"
--> mayumi you dope.

while measuring our waistlines for PE, casey goes: "masmataba ako ka'y coach niño!" and starts crying..
--> ahrm....

coach niño while looking at the eco bored that has a big ECONOMICS sign asks, "ano 'to?"
--> oh i don't know coach! for physics maybe? or english? filipino?

"I wanna die seeing the face of the heavens."
--> Elias. if i were to die the way Rizal did, i want to die facing the sunlight. and like rizal, i want to turn to show that i am not a traitor to my country.

"stress is a choice. you only become stressed when you choose to be stressed."
--> Sir Rodriguez. i work better under pressure, therefore, stress is good for me and i choose to be stressed.

"individuals and events help us in our own development"
--> true sir rodriguez, true.

no quotes and words for today!!! boring day.. rawr..

yesterday, i saw mica and her family in gb3. that would include my boyfriend, mico. haha!!! cutie!!!

boring day, can't think of anything i did today. oh we watched "the clash of the titans" in english class. we didn't have ms eala today. pray for her and her family. got sir fernando today and he's all good. better than mr math teacher who was so DAMN rude. i won't even think of saying it here. too lazy.

i signed up for soccer try outs today with polly. try outs are on friday. wish me and polly luck. pray for us!!!

"A thousand good deeds cannot atone to one murder." --zeus

that's it. i'm too lazy to blog right now. ho humm.. and i have to call mia.

hey friends!! i need your help! please critique my essay!!! thanks!!!

“To see the best side of others is a great gift.” –Blessed Marie Eugenie, Founder of the Assumption

Through out my ten years of education in Assumption College, there is one thing that I always and will always be reminded of and that is to be of service to my fellow brothers and sisters especially those who are less fortunate than I am.

Junior year was probably one of the most important experiences that helped me develop as a person spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I am grateful to my 3rd year CLE teacher, Mr. Eric de Guzman, for my spiritual growth and development. He opened my eyes to things I was blinded of in the past. He showed me that God is always there. God is with me all through out my journey through life. I learned from him that “God’s the man!”

My thoughts on the poor had a quick change in my junior year because of our Exposure wherein we went to a part of Quezon City I’ve never been to. By partners, we were asked to interview a certain family about their life there in Bantay Kabuhayan funded by ABS-CBN.

I never really expected anything to happen. I just thought that it was another exposure trip just like the past years. But I guess I was wrong. I saw how lucky I am to be where I am and how some people can be so insensitive to the less fortunate. From that time on, I knew what God wanted me to do and as cheesy as it may sound, I realized that God wanted me to be of service to others especially the less fortunate.

A few months later I signed up for my Service Learning Activity wherein we were to teach the Pugad Boys of Don Bosco. It was a big challenge for me because I had to teach Chemistry, one of my worst subjects.

I asked God for the help and guidance that I needed and thankfully, I was able to go through that one hour of teaching Chemistry. It feels good to have been able to teach and interact with someone who I knew needed my help.

Once I leave the confines of the Assumption, to enter a new world, my thoughts and views on society will forever be with me. I have come to realize that there are conflicts in our society because of the people who do not take the time to understand and know the other person, when in reality, the only way to truly know and understand a person is by stepping into his shoes and seeing the world from his point of view.

Service, I have come to realize is in each and every one of us. We are called to serve, yet at times don’t mind it. Life would go smoothly for everyone if only we took the time to help each other in each of our journey. Service is a choice and I choose to serve.